Traveling this holiday weekend? Plan your route with our semi-helpful guide.

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North: Philadelphia, New York

As someone who was raised above the Mason-Dixon line, I can give you the low-down on the trip up to Philly. Once you get past the often troublesome I-295/I-495 forks through Delaware, your last trouble spot will be on the Girard Point Bridge just south of the sport stadiums. Construction on the bridge lanes has rearranged traffic patterns all over the place, so expect to slow down from below the airport through to Center City. Treat yourself to a stop at the new “Travel Center” in Delaware before you hit the mess.

Meanwhile, just to the east in New Jersey, the state has suspended all construction through the weekend.Thanks, Jersey!

South: Virginia and Carolina beaches

Are you kidding me? You’re not going there this weekend. I know that Earl calmed down and is moving along his way, but this is not a traffic nightmare worth approaching.

East: Maryland and Delaware beaches

Rehoboth and Dewey regulars know to be patient when embarking on these long-weekend jaunts. If you’re heading toward the Bay Bridge, the Maryland Transportation Authority has some completely unrealistic recommendations for the quickest travel: Friday after 10 p.m.; Saturday before 7 a.m. and after 5 p.m.; Sunday morning and after 10 p.m.; and Labor day before 11 a.m. and after 10 p.m.

It’s worth noting that this advice comes with accompanying clip art of two seagulls, one wearing a reflective safety belt reminiscent of sixth grade crossing guard duty. These seagulls obviously seem to lack any concept of time.

West: Charlestown

Construction on I-66 at the Rt. 267 connector toll road has been suspended all week and over the weekend, which means those heading west won’t face reduced lanes. Closures, which are occurring to allow for Silver Line construction, will resume on September 7.

The Hollywood Casino in Charlestown is up and running, you know. Just an idea.

Staying local:

Metro is doing us a huge favor and deciding where we can go in any reasonable amount of time this weekend: nowhere, basically. Red line track switch repairs will close the east side of the Red line from Takoma to Glenmont through the weekend, leaving you to rely on shuttle buses if you have a strong desire to take Metro.

In other news that will hurt your feelings, Ride On will reduce some of its routes in Montgomery County starting this weekend. Good thing you really don’t need to leave your house, which will have power all weekend, certainly.

In case you don't need to be anywhere on Tuesday morning, there's this: on Monday night, Metro will stay open for an extra hour to accommodate those attending the Virginia Tech/Boise State football game at FedEx Field. I suspect you will see large crowds of Virginia Tech alums roaming through the system around midnight, all alone. The last train leaves Largo Town Center at 12:24 a.m.