In front of TV cameras in Miami Friday, “Real Housewives of D.C.” star and White House party crasher Michaele Salahi gave her first live performance of “Bump it.” And I think I safely speak for the rest of the world when I say I wish she hadn’t.

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Let’s start first with the actual singing - if you can call it that. Singing, you see, involves “musical modulations of the voice.” No notes were hit in the making of this video, and fewer notes were attempted. Yes, the song is mostly lip-synched, and it would have been better if she had kept it that way. When not lip-synching, Salahi muttered the lyrics of the song in between efforts to catch her breath.

Salahi didn’t dance, exactly. Her movements involved walking slowly around the stage, and when she tried to do something athletic, such as raise a leg and an arm simultaneously, I was worried that she was going to fall over.

The saving grace comes from the backup dancers and accompanying rapper, all of whom put on excellent stage smiles. They’re seemingly able to block out the horrors that they’re all witnessing.

This is the video. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. Actually, please don’t watch this. It's much better suited as enhanced interrogation for Guantanamo detainees.

[via NBC Miami]