So you've really decided to take the drive out to Congressional Country Club, and are actually looking forward to standing around in the ungodly heat, watching one of the most boring sports ever devised. It's not too late to change your mind.

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Because if you think that golf couldn't get worse, you're going to be in for an unpleasant surprise. The U.S. Golf Association, in conjunction with the Congressional, has decided to take the exciting sport of golf and mix it with the hassle-free experience of flying.

Let's start the process at the parking lots (because, let's be serious, no one expects you or wants you to take the Metro). Before boarding the shuttle from the parking lot to the club, you will have to go through an airport-style security screening, complete with metal detectors.

The following items will be banned:

- Cell phones (including those with photographic capabilities)
-PDAs and other portable email devices
-Noise-producing electronic devices, including MP3 Players
-Cameras and/or camcorders (other than Mon. through Wed. for personal non-commercial use only and without their cases)
-Bags larger than 8” x 8” x 8”
-Cases and/or covers (such as umbrella covers)
-Signs, posters, banners
-Televisions and/or radios unless provided by the USGA
-Food and/or beverages
-Containers and/or coolers
-Pets (other than service animals)
-Lawn and/or folding armchairs
-Bicycles
-Ladders and/or step-stools or similar items
-Metal-spiked golf shoes
-Weapons (regardless of permit)

And, of course, the catch-all, cover-your-ass:

Items deemed unlawful or dangerous by the USGA and/or championship security personnel at their sole discretion.

There you have it. The USGA has determined that protecting the sanctity and serenity of golf is worthy of the same level of security as national defense.

For drivers, it's easy to store your phone in your car (if it's a smart phone, it can be counted as a prohibited item up to five time). But if you're taking the Metro? Well, you're basically out of luck. A representative who spoke to TBD strongly encouraged those spectators to leave their cell phones home. It's a remarkable request for anyone living in 2011, but it's true. Ask them for yourself: 1-800-698-0661. That's the main ticket line.

But, oh, there's a silver lining: There are a few items that you might be able to sneak under the radar, such as whistles. Or laser pointers. They're easy to fit on a keychain, after all, and based on airport security, will most likely get through the screening. If you're searching for a low-risk way to rouse some rabble, just start jingling the keys in your pocket. Just don't try and sneak in a vuvuzela.