What's the next natural disaster to hit D.C.?
None of the rules of three apply to natural disasters, but let us, for the sake of entertainment on a slow Monday afternoon, consider the awful possibilities — or hilarious impossibilities — of a third disaster hitting the D.C. area in the near future. Several TBD staffers have weighed in; bear in mind that some of them took the phrase "natural disaster" more literally then others.
In no particular order:
Clearly a food-borne illness is about to strike the region. It's been a bad year for salmonella, E. coli, et al. (major tomato recall, major ground turkey recall, and those deadly organic strawberries in Oregon). Maryland and Virginia are major apple-producing states. I think an apple plague could be upon us. — Jenny Rogers
So we’re not exactly sitting on the Atlantic Ocean, but it's possible that at some point in the near or distant future, a tsunami will hit the East Coast. “Americans should realistically prepare (without panicking) for a spell of time to survive without immediate government assistance,” Craig Fugate, a FEMA watch officer told the National Journal. Considering how we freak out over a little ground-shaking, and some heavy wind and rain, evacuations should probably start now. — Kim Chi Ha
1) The volcano under Wilson High School becomes active, destroys renovations.
2) Wolf Trap is built over an Indian burial ground; spectres slaughter thousands of Lyle Lovett fans.
3) Ron Moten for mayor. — Andrew Beaujon
Another earthquake strikes and cracks open the Earth to reveal a full, working set of street cars from the early 20th century. DDOT revises its delayed streetcar timeline, and people enthusiastically ride the rails by New Year's. Meanwhile, WMATA live-tweets the disaster once again and is heralded far and wide after it announces that its rails and escalators have been shaken back into perfect working order. — John Hendel
1) A tornado relocates all the apartment buildings in Columbia Heights to Southeast.
2) Dan Snyder buys the Caps, Nats and Wizards. — Jeremy Binckes
11.11.11, the Foo Fighters play the Verizon Center. Will the collision of overwhelming D.C. pride (Grohl is a Metro-area native), a date made of number ones and the 20th anniversary of Nirvana's Nevermind cause the District to implode? We could call it a Foonado, Grohlvalanche (which is, sadly, not the love child of Bruce Valanche and Dave Grohl but a Dave Grohl-inspired avalanche), or Foo-nami. — Rebecca Armendariz
Tired of Pepco's incompetence, the D.C. government decides to create its own public utility company. Problem is, there's not nearly enough money in the budget to do so. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez hears of our flirtation with socialism, and offers to build a dam on the Potomac River near Palisades, free of charge. He insists that only Venezuelan workers build the dam, and it's completed in record time. Entire neighborhoods in Maryland and Virginia are now underwater, but we don't care — we're free of Pepco! But soon the dam ruptures, washing away all of downtown D.C. and even the Capitol Building, while Congress is in session. Chavez declares victory over America. — Ryan Kearney
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