Some will attend Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert's Rally to Restore Sanity and/or Fear this weekend to have a few laughs. Others will use the opportunity to curry support for marijuana. But some people just want to get laid.
Attending the rally? Thin, fat, young, old, into men in panties, not into men in panties? You, too, could have sex following this event. Dozens of Craigslist users are already eager to pencil in nearly-anonymous partners for post-rally sexual exploits. BELOW: Rally attendees seek pantied sissy lovers; robust women; men into Asian girls, not in a creepy way; hipsters.
BIG-SHOULDERED ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY WORKER SEEKS CHICK WITH CAR: "I m in my 30's handsome Asian male," this rally attendee submits. "If u like big shoulder, strong arm. contact me , I am not skinny model type ha ha." No pressure: "After ward there may be a dinner or movie if we connect . . .U can bring yourself or friend. If we don't click. we don't have to meet for dinner. say good bye. I am also in entertainment industry." You: "Any white/latin/AA woman" with "a job,car, place of your own."
COLLEGE PROFESSOR SEEKS ROBUST WOMAN FOR TONGUE-RELATED ACTIVITIES: "I would like the companionship of a robust woman during my free time," a college professor writes (sizes 10 to 16 preferred). "I’m of average looks, height, and endowment, slightly above average weight and quite above average intelligence." He also boasts a "nimble tongue."
ASIAN WOMAN SEEKS MAN NOT OVERLY INTERESTED IN ASIAN WOMEN: "Take This Asian Girl to the Rally to Restore Sanity," a 27-year-old Wheaton woman suggests. As long as you are not too into this suggestion. "Those of you who just read 'Asian' and 'Pic' please save yourself the trouble and do not apply. I want to connect with someone who appreciates this event for what it is." She adds: "please, no pics of you in your panties you call boxer briefs, I'm trying to get to know your mind, not your above-pubic area."
PANTIED SISSY SEEKS SISSY LOVER: Into panties? You've come to the right rally. "Any doms or sissy lovers want to meet up at the rally Saturday or otherwise play around this weekend?" a pantied sissy writes. "Love to wear panties and dress like a girl when I can. I’m also into role playing games with doms; paper boy caught in panties, cuckold humiliated by my wife’s bull, etc." Nervous about airing your paper boy panty fetish on the National Mall? This sissy clarifies that he is "straight acting/appearing" in public.
HIPSTER ISO HOT GIRL: "If you join me it means two things," a man in search of a female biking partner writes. "You are liberal of mind which is sexy and you like to bike which makes you somewhat fit. Nice combo."
MAN SEEKS ROLLER COASTER: "Will be in from Wichita KS my friend and we will be attending the Rally to Restore Sanity, Saturday on the Mall and was looking for someone to show me the town afterwards," writes this high-maintenance blond. "Not really into the bar thing but would love to find a good burger joint and maybe go to national aquarium, national zoo or other cool things like sixflags."
MAN AND WOMAN SEEK NON-MALE: "We'd like to include some sexual adventure in the trip," an opposite-sex couple attending the rally writes. "Looking for another woman(or more) to join us for drinks and mischief," they continue."Have pics to trade once we're convinced you're real and not male."
MAN ISO STEWART/BADU FANS: This "single, educated, professional Black man" may be the only person in D.C. attempting this double-bill this weekend: "So far my plans include the 'March to Restore Sanity' and the Erykah Badu concert." He's also looking to "enjoy the company of a bright, articulate, witty, charming, well-rounded woman" of any and "all shapes, sizes, and races."