Sex and gender at work, in bed, and on the street

Shorter advice columns: When your husband is gay and your mom's dog pees on your rug

October 7, 2010 - 02:00 PM
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Advice for the lazy: Truncating this week's advice columns.

If you think women only date assholes, you're wrong; you are an asshole, and they aren't dating you. If your friend cashes a check from you and it overdrafts your account, that's your fault. Your 2-year-old daughter is a fussy bore, but she could still change. [Carolyn Hax]

Vacuum the rug only in the direction of the pile. Do not wash baseball caps with dirty dishes. Funeral cards can double as bookmarks, if you are creepy like Linda. [Hints from Heloise]

If you think kids today can't use a landline phone, just see how they deal with a rotary! If your mother dies and your father begins dating a convicted felon named "Charlene," monitor him. If  you have emphysema and your wife won't stop smoking in the house, divorce her. If you come back from vacation and your boyfriend goes to a bar instead of seeing you, he likes booze better. If a classmate is stalking you by phone, e-mail, Facebook, and in person despite stating your disinterest in dating and electronically blocking him, inform adults. [Ask Amy]

 Miss Manners will not indulge your request to enforce etiquette among other people's children. Learn how to boldly declare, "we don't have hot tub parties." It has been rude to visit without calling first since 1876. If you have caller ID and know who is calling, pretend you don't. If your friend mishandles money, you still must attend her wedding, unless she has mishandled your money, in which case you must politely decline without stating the cause. If your husband's female friend informs a mutual acquaintance that your husband is planning a divorce, and your husband then chastises you for failing to invite his female friend into your home, perhaps she was right about that divorce. [Miss Manners]

If your husband with no previous signs of bisexual or gay tendencies befriends an unmarried man and often hugs him, they're doing it. Your daughter is an alcoholic who lives beneath a bridge, and you can't blame her kids for chronicling her addiction on Facebook. If you refuse to devote all of your salary to free innocent death row prisoners and buy a car instead, your friends are self-righteous for complaining about it. When your husband buzz-cuts his hair, pretend you don't hate it. If your mother's dogs always relieve themselves in your home and it is tormenting you, pay for a sitter. [Dear Prudence]

Your husband will continue to allow you to engage in threesomes after recovering from your infidelity. Girlfriends who make too much noise during sex should be stifled. LGBT kids around the world are still being bullied. [Savage Love]

 "Anyone can be a relationship threat, penis or not." If you really love performing oral sex on a woman, but your girlfriend isn't into it, maybe you're just doing it wrong. [Miss Information]

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  1. pagodat pagodat

    P G

    Oct 07, 2010 - 03:48:59 PM

    That Dear Prudence one about the husband and his good buddy is intriguing. Is Prudence just being realistic, or are men being gender-policed away from having deep friendships again? It's a shame the MRA sleazebags have made it next to impossible to seriously discuss mascuilinities on the Internet anymore without provoking flamewars.

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  2. amellifera amellifera

    Amy Sage

    Oct 12, 2010 - 10:40:31 PM

    I love this article series. I must admit I quit reading Dear Prudence due to her homophobia. I don't remember the exact post. It still rears its head occasionally, as seen in the dismissive way she discusses Brokeback Mountain. I'm more inclined to go with gender policing here, than "calling it like it is." If roles were reversed, and the situation was exactly the same, I highly doubt she would have concluded a wife behaving this way was a lesbian. She probably would have addressed the real issue: that a friendship elicits greater affection than a marriage. But homophobia plays a large part in gender policing of masculinity. That said, Amanda, I think you were pretty unfair in your Savage Love summaries. I'm not a huge Savage Love fan, but the first was very good advice. The gist of it was that you can withdraw your consent to something you've previously agreed to. I'm not sure where you got the "getting over infidelity" thing, as it seemed clear to me he has a cuckolding fetish, but hadn't realized he needed to be present for the sex to enjoy it. He withdrew his consent for her to have sex with other men when he wasn't present, and maybe not when he was present - something he had originally agreed to (and even asked for). She didn't like this. Savage's advice: She does not have the option of negotiating with him concerning his consent in their sex life. This is kind of an important point, which I happen to know (from reading you for a while now) you agree with. The idea that the woman may possibly get future threesomes out of it was offered as an after-thought. But the (frankly) moving letter and his response concerning www.itgetsbetterproject.com deserves much better than what you've done here. You cover a lot of issues concerning the LGBT community wonderfully. I don't understand why you wouldn't acknowledge how much this project could help young queer kids when you have the chance.

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