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D.C. condom distribution campaign plays to penis size anxiety

November 17, 2010 - 02:00 PM
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The D.C. Department of Health has launched its "Rubber Revolution" campaign, an online effort to increase condom use among District youth. The new site includes information about how to get free condoms, an anatomical guide to putting them on, and this bizarre quiz, which decides which condom you "are" based on your eating habits, your champagne consumption, and relative affinity for Merengue.

Based on my preference for cheeseburgers, network comedies, and top 40 radio, the D.C. Department of Health has decided that I am a standard latex condom.

I am "pretty laid-back, practical and unimpressed by excess" and thus "have a great appreciation for the classic condom," the quiz informs me.

If you're more into shrimp salad, Reggae, and televised backstabbing, you are advised instead to opt for the" flavored condom." "You have a taste for a colorful life that’s unmatched," the quiz reads. "Your vibrant personality makes flavored condoms a good fit for you."

But if you're into action movies, sirloin steaks, and supervisory roles at work, perhaps you believe yourself to have a large penis—too large for any regular condom, which can only hold about four quarts of water. Champagne-buying, steak-eating condom users concerned with the perception of their penis sizes are advised to pick up the "super-size (larger) condom" because "you do everything in a bold way and refuse to settle for anything less" and "your larger than life personality best suits a super-size condom."

Larger than life indeed. In May, D.C. upgraded its free condoms to Trojan Magnum condoms in order to encourage students to actually use the barrier method. At the time, HIV/AIDS administration spokesperson Michael Kharfen told the Washington Post that the larger-sized Magnums are more popular among teens due to the increased brand recognition, the perception that Magnums are stronger, and the gold wrapper, which imparts "a little bit of the bling quality" to the safe sex experience.

What the D.C. government didn't explicitly state was that Magnum condoms imply that the user has a huge penis, and some teenage guys are pretty into that. At least the new condom distribution campaign acknowledges that the widespread Magnum fidelity is more an indication of "personality" than actual genital size.

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  1. BrentBoy BrentBoy

    brent Johnson

    Dec 10, 2010 - 10:41:00 AM

    Maybe you need a penis Amanda (can you say penis) to know about rubbers!!--I thoght the site was pretty cool--and I got my pack of 10 in the mail!!

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  2. noodlez noodlez

    noodlez . . .

    Nov 18, 2010 - 08:01:41 AM

    I HATE TO BE A CYNIC ON AN ISSUE THAT IS IMPORTANT AS THIS ONE BUT THAT SITE IS SOME BULL****. BIG TIGGER IN THE MORN IS SPOKESMAN? THE DEMO THEY ARE TRYING TO REACH DONT EVEN LISTEN TO OR IDENTIFY WITH THIS BAMA. THEY SHOULD HAVE WENT AFTER WALE OR SOME OTHER LOCAL HOMEGROWN CELEB. THE RACIAL TONES ARE JUST SCREAMING OUT AT YA. TO ALL YOU BLACK YOUNG BUCKS WHO THINK YOU ARE HANGING HEAVY, JUST REACH FOR SOME GOLD PACKS WHEN YOU READY TO LIVE OUT THE TREY SONGZ LYRICS IN "BOTTOMS UP". WHY U ASK? CUZ THE PACKAGING IS BLINGING!??-WTF! WHITE BOYS USE RUBBERS TOO AND THEY ARE NOT EXEMPT! ALSO, WHAT YOUNG PERSON WHO EATS A GARDEN SALAD AND DRINKS CLUB SODA WHILE WATCHING SOME NETWORK COMEDY GETS LAID? THE FOLKS THAT FIT THAT DEMO PROBABLY HAS IT IN FOR CHRISTINE ODONNELL BECAUSE THEY ARE EITHER CHUCKING THEIR WOOD OR STICKING FAKE WOOD IN THEIR CHUCK. WITH ALL THAT SAID I HOPE THEY FINE TUNE THEIR OUTREACH WITH THE TRUTH AND A PUT A REAL MESSAGE OUT FRONT ABOUT ALL THE SEX DISEASES AND UNWANTED CHILD BIRTH THAT COMES WITH NOT USING RUBBERS. NOTHING STOOD OUT WITH RESPECT TO THAT IF YOU DONT USE RUBBERS YOU WILL CONTRACT HIV/AIDS OR ABOUT GETTING TESTED. WE MUST CONTINUE TO EDUCATE AND NOT TAKE THIS ISSUE LIGHTLY.

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  3. AaronEm AaronEm

    Aaron Em

    Nov 17, 2010 - 05:14:29 PM

    Okay, seriously, the Latin name for the male genital organ, *that's* starred out? What kind of Grandma Prodnose do y'all have moderating this thing?

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