This week's advice: Don't observe flatulence, don't make excuses. (Photo: Associated Press)

Truncating the week's advice columns:

Contact the boss of the boss who won't let you jet off to Paris for one last week with your war-bound hubby. Most people you work with probably already know you're gay. Pester your boyfriend about marriage, but don't make him take a second job to fund the nuptials. You are not obligated to display the artwork of a child you barely tolerate. If your friend can't accept the fact that you're too broke to bankroll your bridesmaid duties, skip the wedding. Stop e-mailing the long lost love you claim you have no feelings for. You may cut off all communication with your mother if she refuses to stop stalking your boyfriend on Twitter and relaying her findings to you. Inquire as to whether your man will put a ring on it before you deign to live with him. There is no expiration date on thank-you notes. Confront the coworker you accidentally ran into while volunteering at the clinic she pickets. If your best friend got a date to the prom and you didn't, just ask someone out already. Tell your son to discuss his estranged wife's gun ownership with a lawyer. In order to reform the logorrheic, make it unrewarding for them to spew in your ear. Enforce your marry-by deadline. People who simply wish to inform advice columnists about their personal lives make for a dull chat. [Dear Prudence]

It is totally inappropriate for your girlfriend to hang around your parents' house full-time, stoned. If you bought your parents a webcam and are now forced to video chat with your parents every evening, take this opportunity to set some boundaries, and to buy other relatives more webcams. A baby is not the only solution to your husband's cheating, vasectomy-enforcing ex-wife. Break up with the girlfriend who cursed at you for allegedly flirting with your new friend. You're not a broken loser. Your son's tattoos may have torn apart your soul, but they are not a reflection of his total failure as a human being. When considering coming out in Huntsville, Ala., sort your problems into "constants" and "choices." Buy your family food and wine in order to make up for the fact that due to a high-cost pool system employed by your boyfriend's family during the holiday season, you ended up spending far more on a present for his family than for your own. [Carolyn Hax]

Your age discrepancy may be nothing more than a quick exit for your unsatisfied girlfriend. The onus is on members of GOProud to identify themselves before disrobing. If all your exes emerged from your relationship feeling worse about themselves and their bodies, you might be doing something wrong. Bondage, kink, and the Episcopal Church are not necessarily mutually exclusive. [Savage Love]

If your friend's husband calls you "sexy" over IM again, then disclose the scandalous information you discovered about him through a Google search. It is inappropriate to request honeymoon donations on a wedding invitation. If your son is trapped in a potentially abusive relationship with a girl and is planning on following her to the college of her choice, he can always transfer. Twenty-year-olds can't hold their liquor. Victims of abuse should dictate the terms of their relationships with their abusers. [Ask Amy]

Stop making a conspicuous game out of flatulence; the passing of gas should go unmentioned. The notion that the color of the bride's dress advertises the state of her body is no longer applicable to modern weddings. If your husband asks you to go to dinner, and you claim that all of your high-heeled shoes are damaged in order to get out of the date, and he responds by informing you that tennis shoes are acceptable footwear for the establishment, he is not being pushy; you are being oblique. It it is a basic rule of hospitality to avoid poisoning guests. Do not stack plates for a waiter. You take minor cocktail parties overly seriously, and you are creepy. [Miss Manners]