Whew! I've just finished my first day at my first-ever Conservative Political Action Conference, and I've learned a lot about the declining state of the traditional marriage (by gays!), the danger of political correctness (and gays!) creeping into our U.S. military, and the great opportunities for famous gays (!) to network at this event.
After the jump, the lessons I've learned so far, from the correct context for quoting Hillary Clinton to the real people to blame for sexual assault in the U.S. military:
THE CONSERVATIVE TENT is big enough to usher in gay marriage opponents who explicitly argue against freedom. The Rev. Michel Faulkner told the crowd that he doesn't want traditional marriage to be "eroded by someone else's free choice" and that "our liberties are now beginning to destroy us as a nation." Later, Carrie Lukas, author of The Politically Incorrect Guide to Women, Sex, and Feminism, countered that "marriage has been on a decline before gay marriage,” and that straight conservatives themselves need to walk the walk. . . . This is really an individual, friends-and-family, cultural thing."
MTV CAN BE USED FOR GOOD: "When my daughter asked me if she could watch 16 and Pregnant, my first reaction was for my head to spin around like Linda Blair in the Exorcist," Zoller said. Instead, she decided to turn the program into a "teachable moment." "One of the girls on the show gave her child up for adoption, and it gave us an opportunity for us to talk about abortion and adoption, and why one thing is better than the other."
SEX OBSESSION CROSSES PARTY LINES: "Actually, my greatest accomplishments are my two daughters that my wife and I had sex and produced," said author Doug Giles, after being introduced with his bylines at TownHall.com and the Washington Times. "My oldest daughter is Hannah Giles. Ever heard of Hannah Giles? Ever heard of ACORN? She was the girl that dressed like a prostitute, entered ACORN, and caused it to implode." Later: "The sick, twisted idiots who unfortunately run Hollywood are obsessed with the jiggling monkey in their pants."
JESUS CHRIST is the most politically incorrect subject of all.
WITH SUFFICIENT CAVEATS, the Clintons may be quoted. "I hate to use a Hillary Clinton term, but it takes a village. And I use that in a way that's much different from what she meant by that." — Martha Zoller, on shielding your children from liberal Hollywood.
DONALD TRUMP is pro-life.
PLAYERS WIN, WINNERS PLAY: "If I run and if I win, this country will be respected again," said Trump, who promised to make a decision on whether to run for President in 2012 by this June. "And I'm well-acquainted with winning."
IF HE RUNS, Trump will do so on a quantity-based platform. "I've beaten many people, many companies . . . I've won many wars. I've made billions of dollars."
WOMEN IN THE MILITARY are not entirely to blame for being sexually assaulted while deployed; the social engineers who put women in the military in the first place are also responsible.
EVEN HARRY JACKSON isn't sure where he lives: Bishop Jackson, who was criticized last year for leading the legislative fight against same-sex marriage in the District of Columbia despite his Beltsville, Md.-based congregation, told the crowd, "I live in Maryland . . . actually, I've lived in D.C. for the past two years."
THE CHINESE PEOPLE fear Jesus Christ "because they know the transcendent power he has." — Ilario Pantano
EVEN CONSERVATIVE COMMENTATORS will admit that the Don't Ask Don't Tell repeal "threw" transgender servicemen and women "under the bus."
ABORTION is the greatest force contributing to the current economic recession: "The greatest moral tragedy of the Obama administration, to Michele Bachmann, is "the future American laborers that aren't even born."