Do you live in a state?

Uh-oh! Looks like your government representatives have trampled again upon the autonomy of the 600,000 citizens of the District of Columbia, an ongoing legislative exercise that District leaders last week compared to slavery, colonialism, war crimes, and mortal sin. Eleanor Holmes Norton, the District of Columbia's non-voting delegate in the House of Representatives, summed up D.C.'s feelings on the latest insult to District self-rule when she told Congress to "go straight to hell."

Are you willing to avoid eternal damnation by clicking on several hyperlinks? Below, make amends for continuing to vote for representatives who won't vote for D.C. to have representatives. Enter the choose your own D.C. restitution adventure!

CHOOSE YOUR OWN D.C. RESTITUTION ADVENTURE!

Though District of Columbia residents pay federal taxes, we are denied representation in the House and Senate. Meanwhile, your representatives are empowered to mess with our local laws, tell us how to spend our locally-raised taxes, and even hold our local trash collection hostage over unrelated partisan feuding. What say you?

I AM PREPARED TO MAKE AMENDS WITH THE PEOPLE OF WASHINGTON, D.C.

I AM COMFORTABLE WITH MY ROLE IN THE SUBJUGATION OF THE PEOPLE OF THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Dealmakers behind the $38 million budget managed to avoid Republican-backed slashes to contraception access and environmental regulations. In exchange, Barack Obama "gave" John Boehner D.C. abortion. Under the deal, D.C. will be banned from using its own funds to cover abortions for low-income women under Medicaid. Currently, 17 states choose to use their own locally-raised taxes to help fund abortions for low-income women without federal meddling. What are you going to do about it?

I WANT TO HELP SUPPORT THE RIGHTS OF LOW-INCOME WOMEN TO RECEIVE SAFE, LEGAL ABORTIONS IN D.C.

I DON'T WANT MY MONEY GOING TO ABORTIONS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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(Photo: AP)

Still up for negotiation: Whether the federal budget deal will include banning the District from funding needle exchange programs to fight HIV. Holmes Norton has said the ban "would guarantee the spread of HIV/AIDS among our citizens."

I SUPPORT D.C.'S EFFORTS TO REDUCE THE TRANSMISSION OF HIV BY FUNDING CLEAN NEEDLE EXCHANGES IN D.C.

I DON'T WANT MY MONEY GOING TO DRUG NEEDLES!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Hey, the citizens of the District of Columbia don't like other people telling them how to spend their money, either. Why not help keep the federal government's hands out of D.C.'s budget and support full voting rights for the District of Columbia?

I AM PREPARED TO SUPPORT D.C. SELF-GOVERNMENT AND REJECT TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!

WHILE I SUPPORT FULL REPRESENTATION FOR AMERICAN CITIZENS IN THEORY, I JUST DON'T THINK D.C. IS READY TO RULE ITSELF.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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So you've volunteered to personally fund abortions for low-income women in the District of Columbia.

I'LL JUST GET OUT MY CHECKBOOK.

I PREFER MY ABORTION FUNDING TO ARISE THROUGH COMPETITIVE LEISURE ACTIVITIES.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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PreventionWorks!, D.C.'s largest needle exchange program, closed down over budget constraints this year. With the federal government toying with remaining local funds, the remaining local organizations offering safe, clean needles on a smaller scale will need all the help they can get. Consider making a donation to Bread for the City or Helping Individual Prostitutes Survive to help fund their needle-exchange programs targeted at low-income residents and sex workers.

HOW ELSE CAN I HELP?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Make a tax-deductible donation to the DC Abortion Fund, an all-volunteer organization which offers grants and no-interest loans to women who can not afford abortion procedures.

HOW ELSE CAN I HELP?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sponsor a bowler—or roll a few frames yourself—in this Sunday's Pro-Choice Bowl-A-Thon. Proceeds will benefit the DC Abortion Fund, an all-volunteer organization which offers grants and no-interest loans to women who can not afford abortion procedures.

HOW ELSE CAN I HELP?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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So you've decided to advocate to secure full voting rights for the people of the District of Columbia. Choose your poison:

I'M READY TO TAKE TO THE STREETS!

I'M READY TO TAKE TO MY LAWN!

I'M READY TO TAKE OUT A PEN!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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"Movements never come from the government. They just don't," Mayor Vince Gray said last week of the recent federal assault on District autonomy. "Movements typically start in two places. They start in houses of worship. And they start in universities. Because students are smart enough and young enough to not give a damn."

I'LL STAGE A PROTEST THROUGH MY CHURCH, THANKS.

I'LL STAGE A PROTEST THROUGH MY SCHOOL, THANKS.

I'M TOO OLD AND DUMB TO NOT GIVE A DAMN.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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DC Vote has fashioned these lovely Tea Party-inspired "Congress: Don't Tread on DC!" signs in both indoor and outdoor varieties, perfect for your Del Ray yard or College Park windowsill. The problem: These signs are currently exclusively available within the District of Columbia, a jurisdiction Congress has already indicated it does not care for. So if you're too far afield to make the trek out to DC Vote's Dupont Circle office to snag a poster or yard sign, why not partner up with DC Vote to make the signs available in your neck of the woods?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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(Photo: AP)

Though selected government representatives across the United States have colluded to disenfranchise D.C. citizens for some time now, last week's budget negotiations implicated every member of Congress and President Barack Obama in the slight. Write your congressperson and call the White House to urge them to support full voting rights for D.C. The message will be particularly helpful coming from someone not currently stationed inside the District line.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Are you sure about that? Because since 1990, District residents have elected Eleanor Holmes Norton to represent them in the House of Representatives. This is Norton:

MEH.

OK, SHE DESERVES A VOTE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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GO STRAIGHT TO HELL.