Parents, teachers, sex reporters, and other adults looking for a creepy window into the sex lives of our nation's youth! Welcome to TBD's digest of local college sex columns:

RAPE AT HOPKINS: "According to the most recent security report detailing statistics from 2009, Hopkins has no reported sexual assault cases and has maintained this number since 2007," the Johns Hopkins News-Letter reports. Why is that number so low? RAPES ARE VASTLY UNDERREPORTED: "As a member of SARU—because we get phone calls from people sometimes—it's surprising. None of it shows up on the campus statistics at all," junior Linda Song told the paper. "One of the big barriers [is] a lack of knowledge about what sexual assault is, and feeling like it's their fault . . . Hopkins is a safe campus, but sexual assaults happen everywhere. Hopkins isn't a special case." OR MAYBE HOPKINS IS JUST A SPECIAL CASE: "Freshman class senator Gauri Wagle felt that those statistics went unreported because the campus was overall a safe place."

"UNTIL IT'S ZERO"—for real this time: Hopkins' new anonymous blog urging campus sexual assault survivors to tell their stories. The most recent entry speaks to the reporting issue: "When I contacted Hopkins police, they more or less said 'It was off campus, call the Baltimore City police.' It was even worse when I called the city police. It turned out that he hadn’t deleted the pictures at all. When the police investigated the rape, he produced two pictures that showed me 'willingly' giving him oral sex. The detective assigned to the case told me he only had time for 'real rapes'.”

LIFE NOT FAIR TO ANN COULTER, GAYS: The GW Patriot reports on Coulter's recent visit to campus: "Intelligent and witty to conservative students, Coulter came across as intolerant and mean-spirited to a few pro-gay marriage advocates in the audience. When asked by a member of the audience why she does not support same-sex marriage, Coulter responded, 'It has nothing to do with gays. It has to do with defending the institution of marriage' but 'gays did come late to the sexual revolution window. Life is unfair. I’m not married yet. Life is not fair.'” Sorry gays! The sexual revolution closes at unmarried heterosexual white ladies getting laid.

HAND-WRINGING over American University's conspicuously lady-heavy female-male ratio. "AU’s male/female ratio isn’t only an issue for students looking for a date—many professors at AU see a difference in their classrooms because of the gender gap," the AU Eagle reports. QUOTES: “When you’re teaching classes, if you separate by males and females, I don’t believe they’re getting an equal education . . . We don’t live our lives separately, at least in the USA and most of the world. We live our lives very integrated and I believe the college classroom is the perfect place to learn to communicate with each other”; “I wonder what will happen when the humanities is female only . . . What will this do to the funding and how seriously these disciplines are taken? We should try to balance out all academic disciplines gender-wise to avoid some of these effects”; “If there are few males in the room, I will often bring in by point the male perspective to address their interests and keep them engaged in the subjects."

QUICKIES: LGBT-mental health stigmas discussed at UMD; child pornography investigated at GWU's Thurston hall; missing connections at Georgetown University: "coming out of a house parti in west georgetown saw you in the street wearing very tight outfit."