What I pulled off the top of my fridge. (Photo: TBD Staff)

Modern single life in D.C. holds a few perils—returning to your Midwestern hometown and finding every person you ever knew wed and procreating; guys who pay money to learn to pick up women—but few aspects of solo living are as frustrating as mold.

The green spots on that last quarter loaf of bread. The stank emanating from your produce drawer. The blackness of those week-old bananas. The sliminess of the deli turkey that’s gone uneaten one day too long. All the decay in your kitchen reminds you that you are alone, with no one to share your groceries with.

Though grocery stores make fine locations for meet-cutes, they don’t cater particularly well to the single set when it comes to merchandise. Says Joe Yonan, Washington Post food writer and author of Serve Yourself: Nightly Adventures in Cooking for One, “Grocery shopping is the first hurdle for anyone cooking for themselves because so many of the products are geared toward larger households.” Solo shoppers lose the price advantages of bulk-food stores like Costco and are forced to either buy more than they can eat or pay a premium for smaller portions. “I’ve spent a lot of time venting about things like celery,” he laments, noting that the vegetable is rarely sold in small enough portions to make economic sense for one person.

But things need not be so bleak. The Market Report turns to Yonan and to science for help for the single shopper, and promises that these tips will go beyond “eat leftovers” and “freeze things.” Or "have kids."

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Act now, Washington! Casa Nonna is distributing free gelato from 1-2 this afternoon from its new street-side cart in Dupont, and Rabbit celebrates its opening today in Clarendon with complimentary cupcakes from Red Velvet from 4-8 this evening. Washington City Paper reports the number of cupcakes on hand at 5,000.

That’s two chances to eat twee little treats for free, D.C.! Scoot!

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Detroit, butt of a thousand jokes for its dwindling population and association with 8 Mile, has just managed to out-yuppie some of D.C.’s yuppiest neighborhoods. By 2013, the Motor City will have a 20,000 square-foot Whole Foods, and Capitol Hill won’t.

Plenty of D.C. neighborhoods have pined for their own bastion of organic produce and quinoa—Columbia Heights lost its battle in 2007; Southeast D.C. this spring—but only Capitol Hill currently has an online petition dedicated to demanding a Whole Foods. The (perhaps redundantly named) Bring Whole Foods to H St NE on Capitol Hill has been drawing pleas, promises, whines, cajolings, praise, hyperbole, and demands from residents since October 2009.

Comments range from the apocalyptic (“WE NEED a Whole Foods and then business will explode upon opening!!!”) to the prophetic (“If you build it, they will come”) to the prematurely celebratory (“hurray!!!!!”) to the stern (“Quit slacking and put this in”).

But no amount of signatures seems to have launched so much as a rumor of a Whole Foods anywhere on the Hill. For now H Street residents will have to settle for the Giant that broke ground this month and dream of the sustainable swordfish on sale on P Street.

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McDonalds announced big changes to the Happy Meal today—a guaranteed serving of fruits or veggies, a downsized serving of fries, and the elimination of caramel dipping sauce. Soda will remain an option in this healthier Happy Meal, but parents will have to request it. (Good luck requesting a soda for your kid and getting dirty looks from all the other parents.) So far the fast food giant has experimented mostly with apples, which it now calls “slices” instead of “dippers.”

The move won applause from health-food advocates and First Lady Michelle Obama, but it’s also a boon for the apple industry, which enjoyed a major boost when McDonalds started serving optional apple slices back in 2004—cameo apple production increased 58 percent to meet the demand.

“I think it’s definitely a very positive thing for the industry,” says Rebecca Lyons, export marketing manager for the Washington State Apple Commission. The short-term benefits include major sales increases for growers; the long-term benefit is that more kids will grow into apple-eating adults.

The potential downside to the McDonaldization of apples is that, well, apples won’t allow it. “It’s not like chicken McNuggets,” Lyons cautions. “Mother Nature gives us different sizes. Every year is different. Depending on the weather, you’re going to get more large-size apples or more small-size apples.” If McDonalds demands uniformity, it might be disappointed.

But as an apple-industry veteran, Lyons sees more fruit at McDonalds as overwhelmingly positive. “And as a mother,” she adds, “I’m thrilled.”

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Advocates for labeling genetically modified foods have announced their intent to trek from New York to D.C. to raise awareness for the issue. Genetically modified organisms (GMOs) have had their genetic material engineered to alter its traits and have been a source of controversy for decades, though the use of the technology in agriculture has caused perhaps the most agitation.

Patent-protected food crops engineered to resist commercial herbicides or produce their own pesticides from within the plant have raised questions about safety--do they introduce new allergens into the food chain? Do they increase antibiotic resistance?--and some say food engineered to have longer shelf life and better nutrition should be tested more. These concerns have led some environmental groups to advocate for either the elimination or labeling of GMOs.

The European Union already requires that GM and non-GM plants be separated. Several counties in California have passed measures banning GMOs, though there is currently no national standard to distinguish food with genetically engineered DNA from the au natural stuff.

This particular anti-GMO crowd includes food safety groups, organic and natural food organizations, and some food manufacturers. A perhaps less-expected ally is the religious group Shomeret Shalom Network for Jewish Nonviolence. Rabbi Lynn Gottlieb said in a statement, “People who view GMO food products as muktzeh, out of bounds for eco-kosher use, have a right to know which products contain GMO.”

According to a release, marchers “are expected to walk part or all of the 313 miles” from the U.N. to D.C. We’ll see how that goes.

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Photo: Frank Hebbet

No organic flaxseed meal or African mango Futurebiotics for the College Park crowd today — MOMs is closed for renovations. Workers will be digging up floors and the like in preparation for the store’s 40 percent expansion, which will continue until a Renovation Celebration August 19-21.

But do not fret, electric car drivers of Maryland — the car-charging stations of MOMs remain open all day.

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It’s not easy standing against the world’s largest retailer—particularly when that retailer has a super-slick PR machine and endless cash to offer a cash-strapped D.C., and you have a small brass band. And Respect D.C.’s fight for local hiring, good wages, and solid environmental practices has gotten more tricky now that residents see the grocer’s entry into the District as inevitable.

“That’s been one of the biggest storylines we’ve had to fight against,” says group spokesperson Mike Wilson. “The fact is none of these sites are done deals. They still have a lot of approval they need to get from the city.”

How will Respect D.C. fight the narrative that Walmart has won entry into D.C.? A ragtag flashmob at a Laurel retail location a week ago was one step, though the effectiveness of the public dance is a matter of opinion. (Some readers took issue with my previous characterization of the dancing as awkward and the crowd as confused. After rewatching video of the performance, I stand by my statements. Wilson feels the event “went off very well” though he acknowledges that there was “a bit of confusion among both staff and customers.”)

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The Vienna Whole Foods launches its 10-week renovation today, the first major facelift for the 15-year-old store. Vienna has had only minor updates as flashier stores popped up in Clarendon and D.C., complete with new-fangled pizza ovens and mile-long hot bars.

“Right now, Vienna has one of the smallest hot bars in the mid-Atlantic region,” says store representative Katie Wolffe. But not for long! Vienna is slated to receive a “much larger” hot bar, plus a larger salad bar, a sandwich counter, a pizza oven, and a tap room where customers can order beer and wine by the glass. Management is promising an after-hours-only construction schedule, so the store remains open and fully functional during its regular hours. Full blueprint of the future store available here.

Vienna might lack the glitz of some of its more contemporary counterparts in Rockville and Old Town, but it has managed to mitigate their parking woes with a recent paintjob. “The parking lot was actually recently repainted,” says Wolffe, “and we’ve got great feedback from customers that it’s easier to see where to go.” Indeed online complaints have dropped considerably, with shoppers merely calling it “awkward” instead of “parking lot of death.”

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In a move sure to upset lovers of well-named produce, Agromod Produce is recalling all papayas sold prior to July 23 due to a Salmonella outbreak. The recall includes the delightfully titled but pathologically dangerous Blondie, Yaya, Mananita, and Tastylicious papayas, sold nationwide and in Canada.

Each brand has a sticker identifying it as a Blondie, Yaya, Mananita, or Tastylicious papaya. Agromod is recommending that customers return their fruit to its place of purchase and NOT to eat them—the papayas have been linked to 97 reported cases of Salmonella Agona, including 10 hospitalizations, across 23 states.

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In a move reminiscent of that time the Catholic Church said Galileo actually was right all those 359 years ago, Russian President Dmitry Medvedev has signed a bill officially saying beer is alcohol.

It sounds funny, but the move has real implications for the international brewing industry, American Public Media reports. Unlike vodka, the country’s national drink, beer was never considered alcohol but a food, and was thus exempt from a number of cumbersome regulations. Beer’s sell-anywhere-anytime status attracted international brewers, and sales have been strong since the end of the Soviet Union.

Among the major changes for the industry when the law goes into effect: no more advertising on TV, and no more selling beer at street-corner kiosks. Natalya Zagvozdina of Renaissance Capital in Moscow tells American Public Media that those kiosks represent 10-12 percent of all beer consumption, and their elimination will hurt brewers. Back to vodka!

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Living Earth farmers market, courtesy of the Museum of the American Indian.

If you can’t stomach eating another mini hotdog or dish of macaroni or plate that’s the size of a quarter or whatever other trend that threatens to dull your weekend diet, the Museum of the American Indian’s Living Earth Festival promises to mix it up. The three-day event starts today on the National Mall and features traditional American Indian food prominently.

Among the treats: cornbread made from a Cherokee recipe (Whole Foods is distributing samples at the festival); green chile roasting; Hopi Piki bread-making demo; blue corn tamales and bread, cooked pueblo-style; and a farmers market with local produce and proteins.

Then Sunday at 2pm, chefs square off in an Iron Chef-esque competition at the museum’s outdoor amphitheatre. Richard Hetzler, chef at the museum’s Misitam Café, faces Don McClellan, a Cherokee and chef at Atria Vista del Rio in New Mexico. The men must use the traditional Three Sisters ingredients (corn, beans, and squash) and will get help from assistants provided by D.C. Central Kitchen.

If this infernal heat prevents you from hitting up the Mall this weekend, Whole Foods will be featuring the festival’s Cherokee cornbread in its P Street, Georgetown/Glover Park, and Tenleytown stores this weekend and next, until supplies last, and the Museum of the American Indian graciously lent the recipe to TBD readers.

LIVING EARTH CORNBREAD:

3 cups yellow, white or blue cornmeal
1 cup all-purpose flour
3 cups buttermilk
½ cup vegetable oil
1 15 oz. can of whole kernel corn, well-drained (or fresh or frozen whole kernel corn)
1 4 oz. can of diced green chiles, drained
4 teaspoons baking powder
2 teaspoons salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
4 eggs

Heat oven to 450°F. Grease bottom and sides of 10 x 13 inch baking pan with cooking spray. In a large bowl, mix all ingredients with spoon until blended. Beat vigorously 30 seconds. Pour batter into pan.

Bake 45-50 minutes or until toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Serve warm with butter.

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Respect DC, the scrappy band of scrapsters devoted to holding Walmart’s feet to the fire as the retailer looks to set up shop in the District, swarmed the Laurel Walmart this week for an Aretha-tinged flashmob. Among their musical demands: that Walmart offer retirement, that it not bankrupt local businesses, and that it “respect D.C.”

Well, fine, Respect D.C. But here’s a demand for you: If you’re going to insist on holding a flashmob, how about getting half of your dancers to not look so embarrassed? The video shows little reaction from customers, perhaps because the few shots that do reveal shoppers looking baffled or indifferent.

There is a fine moment at the 4:07 mark of the video, in which a man who appears to be a Walmart greeter named Gerry smiles graciously at the demonstrators as they exit his store.

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Joe Raffa, chef at Oyamel, will be appearing at the FreshFarm farmers market in Penn Quarter today to demo and sample his green chorizo and summer squash tacos. Raffa plans to hold a lesson on how to prepare the chorizo as well as hand out tacos to market patrons who brave today’s choking humidity. From 4-5 at 8th Street NW, between D and E streets.

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If you’ve spent any time in our region’s upmarket grocery stores, you may have noticed the proliferation of products touting “ancient grains” among the ingredients. Take these 7 Ancient Grains Crackers from Crunchmaster, on sale now at Yes! Organic Market: They promise a dose of brown rice, sorghum, quinoa, sesame, millet, flax, and amaranth, plus a Hint of Sea Salt and no gluten.

Crunchmaster ups the historical factor on the back of the box, with references to antiquity and good health. “The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World were truly remarkable,” the packaging tells us. “We hope you find the 7 ancient grains that we combined into this cracker remarkably tasty.” The box goes on to explain how these primeval grains “have been a basis for a healthy lifestyle since ancient times” and extols the benefits of complete proteins and amino acids and antioxidants.

Crunchmaster is hardly the first manufacturer to cash in on ancient culinary history—the Los Angeles Times detailed the recent “ancient grains” trend in a story in February—but the Market Report questions the wisdom of getting involved with Old Testament-era dietary staples. These grains are not exactly baggage free. Back in ancient times, they were less about gluten intolerance and more about rules, regulations, and staving off the wrath of Jehovah. Before foraying into the world of ancient grains, continue these provisos:

THOU SHALL BAKE USING POOP AS COALS

The popularity of “Ezekiel 4:9 bread” (“Take wheat and barley, beans and lentils, millet and spelt; put them in a storage jar and use them to make bread for yourself”) proceeds the ancient-grain trend by decades, but devotees tend to ignore the second part of the recipe: “Bake it in the sight of the people, using human excrement for fuel.” After a protest from Ezekiel, the Lord relents slightly: “Very well,” he said. “I will let you bake your bread over cow dung instead of human excrement.”

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If you’ve got 10 bucks rattling around in your pocket or can whittle that little bit from your grocery budget, Safeway is happy to take that money off your hands. The supermarket is partnering with local food banks to help keep diminishing supplies strong this summer, when donations typically drop off.

At all Safeway stores in Maryland, Virginia, and D.C., shoppers can purchase bags stocked with tuna, peanut butter, cereal, spaghetti, and other items identified by food bank officials as high-need. Once purchased, the bags can be placed in a collection bin for later pick-up. Recipients of the donated food include Capital Area Food Bank, the Maryland Food Bank, and the Blue Ridge Area Food Bank.

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When it comes to lobsters, the ugly greenish brown ones are standard. Only one out of every 30 million carries a charming genetic mutation that renders its shell a shade of dandelion. When a yellow fellow turned up in a seafood shipment at a Rochester-area Wegmans Monday, employees immediately took note.

Wegmans nobly donated the golden pincher to the Aquarium of Niagara. As S.J. Velasquez of Buffalo.com notes, it’s the second PR boost the grocer’s seafood department has gotten recently—Greenpeace gave the store top marks for improving selection of sustainable seafood in 2009. Whether a grocery store wants the approval of Greenpeace is another story, but it’s probably better than having the organization destroy your modified wheat or vandalize your property.

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Things Whole Foods does well: produce, sustainable seafood, and buffets. Things Whole Foods does not so well: parking, sausage ad campaigns, and fashion.

Displays of eco-friendly clothes rolled out at the P Street Whole Foods this summer. They might be socially responsible, but they aren’t pretty.

I puzzle over a shapeless maroon cotton thing before deciding it’s some sort of cape. (The tag informs me it is a skirt.) Oddly shaped hoodies in wan colors baffle. Strapless sundresses in tacky faux-snake prints repel. Some organic olive green socks with peace signs on them summon sad memories of dressing in the mid-‘90s. Everything exudes a vague hippie vibe, but it’s more Goodwill than Free People.

Their do-gooder cred (the Threads 4 Thought line responsible for those sundresses uses organic cotton and recycled plastic) should make me feel bad for critiquing, but no matter how many sustainable dresses Natalie Portman dons, they don’t look so good. Not that I had a chance to see how the clothes look on me—an employee tells me I’m unable to try them on in the store before purchasing.

Store spokesperson Daniel Thaeler says response from customers has been “significant” and that P Street is actually leading the region’s Whole Foods in clothing sales, leading me to question everything I thought I knew about the style instincts of Whole Foods shoppers.

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In a move reeking of brilliance, Trader Joe's has employed the quotable Ron Swanson of NBC's Parks and Recreation as its bacon spokesperson. The Market Report is still working to determine the precise location of this masterful stroke of marketing, but credit currently goes to one Kelli Marshall for sharing this with the world via Twitter.

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Metro-K Supermarket is a quaint relic of a grocery store. On a busy stretch of Columbia Road in Adams Morgan, Metro-K distinguishes itself by being kind of undistinguished. Its stock is too large and varied to make the shop a cornerstore, but selection pales next to the Safeway around the corner. Some gourmet cheeses, almond milk, and a wide variety of wines give the store a bit of yuppie sheen, but it lacks the preciousness of the Yes! Organic Market across the street. Metro-K is an old-fashioned, small neighborhood grocer with one claim to uniqueness: the most charmingly bad signage in all of D.C. groceryland.

Take Aisle 1. Categories hanging from the ceiling include the very normal Frozen Foods, Cleaners, Laundry, and Pet Foods. All fine. But then we have the rather vague Supplies. Is that meant to include the Glad grocery bags? And the display devoted to lighting? And the stuffed bears in Christmas gear dangling at the end of the aisle? Perhaps. More puzzling is the aisle’s dedicated signage to Waxed Paper, when exactly fifteen small units of Reynolds Parchment Paper sit on the long crowded shelf.

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For those seeking Italian delicacies beyond the edible, the Arlington’s The Italian Store has what you need to keep your face bella and your teeth bianco. On sale now: Italian-made Marvis toothpaste and Proraso shaving cream.

Proraso started as a cosmetics company in Florence in 1908. Founder Ludovico Martelli started selling shaving cream in 1948, and it remains an Italian classic, promising “extraordinary stunning” results (according to free online Italian-to-English translation sites).

Marvis toothpaste, available in Jasmine Mint, Whitening Mint, and Aquatic Mint, also promises “stunning pleasure” to its users, and promotes its “extraordinary appeal” on the Marvis website. These stunning, extraordinary products can be had for the stunningly high price of $10.99 at the Italian Store’s Lee Highway location.

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