Two weeks ago, the big question surrounding Jon Stewart's "Rally to Restore Sanity" was where everyone was going to take a dump. Seriously. The Marine Corps Marathon, which takes place the following day (Oct. 31), was refusing to share its Porta Potties. Naturally, the story became national news. In a New York Times article, the marathon's race director revealed plans to padlock the toilets and National Park Service spokesman Bill Line blew his top about a potential potty shortage, which, in turn, prompted this City Paper post about Line's temper. Much fun was had on Twitter and the like. Finally, the marathon decided not to have the Porta Potties delivered to the National Mall until after Stewart and Stephen Colbert's rally.
Story over, right? WRONG. No one ever solved the central question: Where will rally-goers relieve themselves?
This is why TBD hired me, folks: to report on the most pressing issues of our time—or most pressing to our bowels, anyway. Yesterday, when I spoke to Comedy Central spokeswoman Renata Luczak about Obama's planned appearance on The Daily Show next Wednesday — she wouldn't confirm it, but the White House later did — I slipped in a question about the procurement of portable toilets, to which she replied, "We have our own Porta Potties. We're all good." The only question now, of course, is whether or not they'll be sponsored by chimney cleaners.
Also yesterday, Colbert visited the contentious coffee hour known as ABC's The View, where he confused everyone and mocked Stewart's rally. As for what he fears most: bedbugs, of course. "I'm terrified of them," he says. "They're everywhere."
See for yourself: