Inside D.C. entertainment

Stewart rally special guests: What are the odds?

October 29, 2010 - 05:00 PM
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Jeff Tweedy will be there. So will Sheryl Crow, Sam Waterston, the Roots, and Father Guido Sarducci. But the  "Rally to Restore Sanity an/or Fear" schedule of events that leaked this week still contains plenty of mystery. Which comedian will warm up the crowd? Who will sing "The Star-Spangled Banner"? Who's the unnamed musician? And who will the special guests be?

America being a nation of gamblers, I thought it only appropriate to provide the odds of the following people appearing at, or recording messages for, the rally. Ladies and gentleman, welcome to service journalism at its finest.

Eleanor Holmes Norton: PUSH 2-1 (legally required to appear at all gatherings of more than 100,000 young people, whether they like him or not, plus Black-Eyed Peas have a new album coming out 11/30)

Steve Carell: 3-1

Laurie David: 4-1

Oprah (videotaped message): 2-1

Oprah (in-person appearance): 5-1

Tucker Carlson: 75-1

Ian MacKaye: 16-1

Sting: 5-1

Bill O'Reilly: 50-1

Robert Duvall (of Northern Virginia): 400-1 [explainer]

Wonder Woman (Lynda Carter, of Maryland): 4-1 [explainer]

Lil Jon: 30-1 (has a show in Seattle that night, but both are totally doable)

Rick Sanchez: 20-1

Tareq and Michaele Salahi (invited): 500-1

Tareq and Michaele Salahi (uninvited): 1-1

Glenn Beck: Never-Ever

Bruce Springsteen: (especially as special musical guest) 2-1

Odds that female partners of celebrities will caution against entering the 40-foot "homewrecking zone" around Sheryl Crow: PUSH

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