So apparently there's something called the "warrior gene." Some of us have it; most of us don't. It's been associated with violent behavior, but that's all I know because I haven't read beyond a National Geographic Channel press release and a Wikipedia page splattered with acronyms. I'll learn more, presumably, once I watch my advance copy of the Explorer episode about the gene, "Born to Rage," which airs next Tuesday.

All I know is, I hope with all my heart that I have this mutated gene. It would explain a lot about my past, and possibly allow me to get away with murder in the future. So when NatGeo offered to test me, I readily agreed — thus, this video, which was lovingly directed by Nathasha Lim and edited by Lisa Rowan. Neither of them is as convinced as I am that I have the "warrior gene." But they've also never gone drinking with me, so what do they know?