Kevin Adams pours himself some non-alcoholic beer in 'The Weir.' (Photo by Jim Coates)

The Weir begins like an old joke: A man walks into a bar. Because what's a play set in Ireland without a fully-loaded pub? The bar being the sole setting of Keegan Theatre's newest production, director Mark Rhea knew that he wanted the rural watering hole of Conor McPherson's play to resemble those that he patronizes on his frequent trips to Ireland, with one exception: There would be no alcohol.

Obviously, the beers and liquors that the small cast pounds back over the course of the 90-minute play aren't real. "If it was real alcohol, they wouldn't be able to stand up after the show," says Rhea. So, that tap on stage has O'Doul's non-alcoholic beer coming out, and the liquor and wine bottles are various mixtures of watered-down grape juice, tea and Diet Coke.

Rhea estimates that the actors drink two or three pints of fake alcohol each show. Though Rhea says the script calls for them to drink each pint completely before refilling, sometimes they just can't drink quickly enough.

"Because the language goes pretty fast, it would be hard for them to drink a nonalcoholic beer all the way down," says Rhea. "They have to adjust on the fly, if someone hasn't drank a full pint. They say, 'I'll just top this one off,' instead of "I'll have another pint.'"

But all of the liquid they're consuming presents an additional problem for the actors in the one-act show, which has no intermission: Bathroom breaks.

"There is no backstage bathroom ... they can't use the restroom until after the audience has left," says Rhea. "The guy that plays Jim [David Jourdan], the one with the horrible sweater on purpose — God, it's horrible, but I love it — he's drinking two pints, plus a couple glasses overall. He makes his way down there first."

Though there's several hundred dollars' worth of liquor bottles behind the stage, they're all empties donated by Rhea's favorite two local pubs: Rampart's Tavern and Grill in Alexandria, and Ireland's Four Courts in Arlington. Rampart's also donated the rocks glasses for the "short ones" that the men drink throughout the show, and Ireland's Four Courts donated the pear-shaped pint glasses. Rhea special-ordered the half-pint glasses to match those he had seen in his travels to Ireland with Keegan.

The keg of O'Doul's is a quarter-keg that lasts about two weeks, and actor Jon Townson had to learn the finesse of a good pour. During a recent Sunday matinee, Townson's bartending skills weren't totally up to snuff: He mistakenly adjusted the CO2 dispenser in the keg to produce an incredibly foamy pour, which Jourdan had to drink.

"In Ireland, they do have a lot more foam in their beer, so it is fairly authentic," Rhea said of the accident.

There could be worse mix-ups, though. Rhea says that not every bottle of liquor in that bar is filled with Diet Coke: Some of them have the real stuff, for post-show celebration. Townsend plays the bartender when the show is over, too, says Rhea.

"They have a small one of Jamieson, and the bottles could easily get mixed up," says Rhea. "If someone were to forget to put it in the right place, Jon will use it in the show. That's the fear I have."