The puny red carpet at AFI Silver Theatre. Photo: Joshua Yospyn.

Actor, director, and Batman ally Gary Oldman steps onto the 20x12 rug passing for a red carpet at the AFI Silver Theatre in Silver Spring last night.

“This is the smallest carpet I’ve ever been on,” he says in wonder.

Set in a remote corner of the theater with a handful of reporters and photographers, the scene at Monday night’s screening of Oldman’s Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy evokes high school play more than glamorous Hollywood. The carpet itself shows spots, and it’s not long enough to “walk,” so Oldman and his director, Tomas Alfredson, stand in the middle and allow the 10 or so media folks who’ve shown up to snap their photo.

Amy Argetsinger of the Washington Post’s Reliable Source finds the scene as wan as I do. “Red carpets are rather weird these days, aren’t they?” she says. “It’s almost more like a metaphor than a real thing. It’s like a little terrarium for stars.”

Indeed Oldman stands like a potted plant on the red rug while we all stare at him.

Peter Freeman of DC Film Review calls himself “anti-red carpet.” He has avoided them until now.

“I’m not so much about the publicity as I am the films himself,” he says. “I generally avoid stars. The ritz and glitz is not for me.” Not that there’s much ritz or glitz to this set up. Freeman notes the wear and tear on the carpet: “In years past they’ve had outdoor events, so perhaps this is the weathering.”

Oldman expresses little love for the entire red-carpet trope. “I mean, sometimes the parties are good,” he says. “Occasionally. Batman throws a good party. But I could give a whatever about a red carpet.”