America has a new Miss, and sadly, it’s not Miss D.C. Ashley Boalch put up a fine fight, but the powers-that-be (Kim Kardashian’s mom, among others) graced the cranium of Miss Wisconsin Laura Kaeppeler with the crown.
Not much to report about the pageant itself, which has undergone plenty of silly changes to make it sexier/more contemporary/more about fitness/more about school/more about charity over the years. Glittarazzi captured the latest bit of tomfoolery: a series of low-budget videos of the contestants giving a two-minute pitch about why they would make a great Miss America. “Is it just us,” Glittarazzi asks, “or do these chicks keep getting dumb and dumber?” before going on to highlight a terrible rap by Miss Nevada, an Old Spice commercial send-up from Miss Oregon, and some stunt with a big piece of paper by Miss Georgia. The takedown is capped with a photo of Snooki in a crown. Did the Glittarazzi girls just become social commentators?
It should be noted that our own Miss D.C. not only did not make a fool of herself, but she managed a decent joke about how she won the pageant (by not falling down) and a sly reference to The Bachelor (which belongs to Miss America’s host network, ABC). Fancily played, Ashley Boalch.
After the jump: More fancy houses, blazers, Philips After 5 outfits, and Pat Sajak spottings.
FANCY BITS AND PIECES
Karen Feld, D.C. party girl all grown up, is moving to New York. After decades of running around with high-profile bachelors and attending six parties a night, the 64-year-old former gossip columnist is selling her Georgetown home and taking all of her toy poodles—Champagne, Cappuccino, Amaretto, Biscotti, and Campari (No St. Germaine?)—with her to her new Manhattan condo.
Feld tells the Reliable Source that Campari’s career figured into the move—the dog has been going on auditions and was recently voted into the “Angel on a Leash” therapy-dog fashion show. This might be the single fanciest item ever chronicled in the Fancy Feast. (Reliable Source)
Proper Topper, home of the world’s best umbrellas, is being filmed by HGTV’s House Hunters International. (Twitter)
Would you like to appear 10 pounds slimmer? Perhaps skip all of this “expert advice” (carry a large purse? wear a long necklace?) and go straight to the final and only sensible tip of the article, in which reporter Natalie Grasso suggests drinking water and going on a brisk walk. Should have been the lede, Natalie! (Washingtonian)
Brightest Young Things matriarch Svetlana Legetic and BrandlinkDC’s Jayne Sandman and Barbara Martin are very important, and GQ finds room in its dull list of dudes to say so. (GQ)
Concerned your groom might dump you the day before the wedding? There’s insurance for that. (Washingtonian)
Perez Hilton has something nice to say about Eric Cantor, which is hard to hear over the cracking sound of all that ice forming in hell. (Famous DC)
At least one local style blog took its own stand against SOPA/PIPA/the end of the internet. The President Wears Prada website was inaccessible Wednesday, instead featuring a written rebuke to the Senate for moving on PIPA. (The President Wears Prada)
Popular date activities in D.C. include volunteering, darts, bocce, and drinking whiskey. One out of four of those sounds fun to me. (Washington Post)
People on cruises have NO RIGHTS and it is just wrong. (Reuters)
D.C.’s Fancy Bloggers remain in uproar over the persecution of car service Uber. The DC Concierge, aka Shana Glickfield, has got her eye on taxi commissioner Rob Linton and she is NOT just going to take his word for it that D.C. cabs are going to improve. (Twitter)
Tommy McFly comes to the aid of colleague Kelly Collis, who was besieged by a spider. (94.7 Fresh)
FANCY JOB OPENING
Glittarazzi is hiring. Must be a self-starting shark and in it to win it. (Twitter)
The Fancy Feast is overjoyed at the debut of Refinery 29’s new shoe stalking series, a gallery featuring snapshots of footwear in situ around the District. Note: If someone asks if he can take a photo of your feet, ask for his Refinery 29 credentials. Otherwise THIS can happen. (Refinery 29)
Have you been conflicted about what to wear to Phillips After 5? How about ASOS White’s Whitney High Vamp Metallic Cone Heels and a velvet jacket? (Refinery 29)
Belle calls her invitation to view Vera Bradley’s collection at a private event “some kind of sick joke.” (Twitter)
Attention Washington Women who patronize Ann Taylor: Kate Hudson is now your muse. (Glamazon Diaries)
Once Upon a Prom, an organization that distributes gently used formal wear to girls who can’t afford a prom dress, needs a location for its spring giveaway. (Oh My Goff TV)
Pat Sajak was at a Caps game?! (Twitter)
FREE TULLE SKIRT: It could be yours. (Fashion is Spinach)
Is this suit too daring for Capitol Hill? Sometimes the brain and the heart say different things. Readers discuss. (Capitol Hill Style)
Style blog SpicyCandyDC celebrated its two-year anniversary with a fancy brunch, complete with these gorgeous placecards by Woodbridge artist Bidkart Malespin. The blog got a sharp makeover, too. (SpicyCandyDC)
Can a blazer change your life? (Refinery 29)
“The nicest former funeral home you will ever see.” (Curbed DC)
Also on the market: This $3 million house in Northwest with a two-level library. If you squint, it almost looks like the library the Beast gives Belle in Beauty and the Beast, which is of course the fanciest library ever. (Curbed DC)