(Flickr/Rob Boudon)

If you've spent any time on Twitter, you'll recognize the locutions below. They were funny or useful once, before everyone started using them. Now they're unbearably annoying. It's time all of us — yes, including me — stopped using the following words and phrases.

For the edification of Twitter virgins, I've included definitions and examples.

21. Protip

Here's a tip from me, a professional.

Dear PR people, if your press release hits my inbox with an all caps subject line, I delete it immediately. #protip

— Clinton Yates (@clintonyates) February 22, 2012

20. Fail

This action has not succeeded. Moron.

Putting lotion on my hands & then trying to put my earrings in <<< #fail

— Chris (@TheNotoriousCDG) February 22, 2012

19. So there's that

There's a silver lining here, which I've just used as a punchline.

They may not have wifi but they have the tobacco shop on speed dial. So there's that. :) twitter.com/moneill/status…

— moneill (@moneill) February 22, 2012

18. FTW

Literally, "for the win." Less literally: I have declared a victor in this imaginary battle.

Vending Machines that take credit cards FTW

— Nana Castro (@NanaCastro_) February 22, 2012

17. That thing when

An application for entry in the Official Record of Human Experience.

That thing when a pigeon flies at you so you duck thinking it's going to hit you then realize it won't but people are already staring. Yeah.

— Ashley Roy (@ashleymroy) February 22, 2012

16. Zing!

I'm not witty enough to add my own joke, so I'm going to write something that's roughly equivalent to covering my mouth with one hand and pointing, with the other, at the person on the receiving end of this joke or comeback.

Zing!RT @NathanWurtzel: Oh God...are you burying something? What did you do? RT @chrisbrown: I can dig it!

— Slublog (@Slublog) February 16, 2012

15. This is why we can't have nice things

Here's evidence that we, as a species, are not capable of having nice things. Because we always ruin these nice things.

All right, which one of y'all broke Words With Friends? This is why we can't have nice things!

— poisontaster (@poisontaster) February 16, 2012

14. This is why the terrorists hate us

Here's something dumb or excessive about America.

Why the terrorists hate us: Double-chip-dipping fears.

— Patrick W. Gavin (@pwgavin) February 2, 2012

13. First World problems

This trifling problem does not exist in developing countries, where people have more immediate concerns like food, water, and generally trying not to die.

Catholics have to give up things like sweets for 40 days; first world problems. Starving kids in Africa do it everyday, it's called life.

— Katie Bretz (@kayteabee) February 22, 2012

12. White people problems

This trifling problem does not exist among non-white populations, who have more immediate concerns like racism, discrimination, and generally trying not to be as lame as white people.

White people problems RT @marksable: Anyone having problems w/the @NewYorker app on ipad?Mine keeps crashing, can't read new Chabon story.

— Mike Le (@DFTVYP) February 16, 2012

11. Sigh

I am exhausted by your stupidity.

*sigh* RT @DesireMe_ O.o Have a seat ---> _/ RT @FFlocka: So is Obama the president of Canada ? Or do they have a different president ?

— Belizean Beauty ! (@runway_exotica) February 20, 2012

10. *head desk*

I just banged my head on the desk. But not really.

*head desk* RT @P0TUS: Only 3 weeks ago #Romney supporter Neal Boortz called the poor "toenail fungus" tinyurl.com/6vcguxd

— Shoeshine Boy (Tim) (@UnderdogLib) February 19, 2012

9. THIS

I like this so much, I engaged caps lock.

THIS RT @missjonE: That's why I keep ppl at an arms distance. Y'all gotta chill thinkin everyone is worthy of friendship. Back baaaacckk

— Regina George(@MayoNayz_) February 22, 2012

8. Obvi (or Obvs)

Literally, "obviously." But to quote Urban Dictionary: "...popular with people of limited intelligence, generally of the 13-year-old girl variety. Often used to refer to things that are only obvious by virtue of the mindless monotony of the user's life."

These slippers are so comfy. And the fact that they're hello kitty is obvi a plus ^.^ twitpic.com/8nckjn

— Ropo? ™ (@Sweetnothings_x) February 22, 2012

7. BREAKING

This news could not be less important, and I could not be more ironic.

Breaking: Gabe Newell Grows Beard bit.ly/yfiNiD

— Kotaku (@Kotaku) February 20, 2012

6. Winning

I am still living in 2011.

#winning RT @ericheggie: I'm at Geno's Steaks (1219 S 9th St, at Passyunk Ave, Philadelphia) 4sq.com/wdfV6Q

— daveweigel (@daveweigel) February 22, 2012

5. So this happened

This really did happen, but I cannot believe it happened.

So this happened… Shepard Fairey x The Simpsons on.fb.me/obeysimpsons #obeythesimpsons

— Shepard Fairey (@OBEYGIANT) February 15, 2012

4. So this exists

This really does exist, but I cannot believe it exists.

So, this exists: breadedcats.com /cc @jackygilbertson @filmaj

— Angelina Fabbro (@angelinamagnum) February 17, 2012

3. Just saying

I've spoken my mind, and I want to pretend that it's no big deal.

Jimmy is the best in Boardwalk Empire. Just saying.

— Little Tin Goddess (@Corriengel) February 22, 2012

2. You're welcome

I've found something on the Internet that you'll like so much, you'll want to thank me for it. But I am preempting your thanks.

It's a pug in pug slippers. bit.ly/A116zN You're welcome. #HappyWednesday

— Capree Kimball (@CapreeK) February 22, 2012

1. Nuff said

I don't need to say anything else, because what I've already said is sufficient.

No drinking age on any of these islands.. Nuff said

— Rob Romano(@RealRobRomano) February 19, 2012