(Posted 437 days ago)

Do's and Don'ts:

I'm a cancer survivor who wrote a book, Help Me Live: 20 Things People with Cancer Want You to Know, about how to help someone who is ill or suffering. The following suggestions are based on words of hundreds of patients and health and communications professionals, and apply not just to those with cancer but any disease or condition that renders them more vulnerable.

-Do say you are there for your friend.

-Do honor your commitment to be there when asked, no matter what. Backing out can wound your friend deeply when she is so sensitive.

-Don't ask any questions regarding the cause of the illness, e.g. don't ask a lung cancer patient if she smoked or a breast cancer patient if it runs in her family.

-Do give your friend reason for hope.

-Do ask whether your friend would like you to do some research for her.

-Don't criticize your friend if she doesn't return your calls -- she may be overwhelmed.

-Do ask permission before offering advice, visiting, and telling others that your friend is ill.

-Do understand that your friend may feel terrified and may regress emotionally.

-Don't ever ask about your friends' prognosis.

-Don't bring up what's good about the fact that your friend fell ill.

-Do accept and suppport his treatment decisions once he's made them, even if you disagree.

-Don't judge your friend, just be there and accept her.

Say This:

-I am so sorry to hear this is happening. I'm here for you.

-Can I pick up some groceries for you or run any errands to lighten your load?

-This is so unfair.

-I'll keep you in my thoughts (and prayers, if appropriate -- remember who your audience is).

-I love you.

-I want so much to make you feel better, and I'm afraid I'll say or do the wrong thing. Please forgive me if I do and know that I love you.

For more information, visit LoriHope.com.