(Posted 411 days ago)

Do's and Don'ts:

1. Show the person you care about what concerns them.

2. Know what you really want to get out of the conversation and use your desired outcome as a guide to stay on track and avoid defensiveness.

3. Explain how you see things and why, without assuming your thinking is correct.

4. Admit your biases and limited view on the issue.

5. Make the conversation safe for the other person by working toward shared meaning about the issues, for example, “it sounds like we both want the same thing, we just do not agree on how to get there.”

6. Remind yourself what you truly want from the conversation, for example, “I want her to trust me to get the results she wants, so I can not appear defensive about my work.”

7. Remember the elevator principle, “In all conversations you can lift people up or you can take people down.

Say This:

I know how important this project is to you and the entire team. We are all working really hard to make sure this is a huge success. That is why I want to do a better job of partnering with you – so that I can make sure you have everything you need to feel confident that we are delivering. But if you are going to use me to my fullest potential, then you need to trust me to do the job. Continue to help me understand what you need from me, but trust me to go off and do it. If I do not deliver what you want then we can renegotiate how we work together. Until then, let me work my way.