Caring for Aging Parents

Thanks for the list of what to be aware of. Our folks are doing pretty good so far (knock wood). I hope they continue to stay relatively healthy. It's hard to see your parents age and struggle with medical issues.

Just two weeks ago I decided to ask both my brother and sister if they had noticed the changes in Mom that I have. I only see here a few times each year (the last time was at Thanksgiving) and I wanted to be in denial.

My sister agreed with me (she last saw my parents in October), and my brother admitted that he hadn't noticed. But he lives down the street from my parents and sees them regularly. Also, this past year, his daughter's children were placed in foster care, she went to a "safe house" and her husband committed suicide. They've been focused on getting her life back on track (the kids were returned to her a few weeks ago). I can't blame him for not noticing the changes in Mom.

After my email, my brother called Mom's doctor to ask what can be done. The doctor said that if my Dad agreed that something wasn't right, he could request neurological tests.

My brother was finally able to talk to Dad alone last night, and Dad agreed that something is wrong, but he just didn't know what to do. He will contact Mom's doctor.

I'm glad that I finally broached the subject, as difficult as it was. I am hopeful that although there may be no cure, there may be something available to delay the symptoms.

I would recommend neuropsychological testing done by a professional who specializes in geriatrics. These are usually not physicians but PHD's. Also, things that mimic cognitive disorders need to be ruled out by a physician such as thyroid disorders, B12 deficiencies, any type of brain disorder (CT of the head). The primary physician should have ordered these tests for your mom.

Just heard from my brother that mom has an appointment with a specialist Feb 6. Dad shared our concerns with her, and she was receptive to having things checked out. My brother and his wife will invite them over for dinner more often to help out. Mom was always an awesome cook, but she doesn't want to cook anymore and can't remember how to make things.

I am going through something quite similar. I am the sibling that lives near my folks in PA. My sister lives in FL and my brother in NC. I speak with my parents several times a week and see them several times a month. I started noticing something not right with mom back in august but I thought maybe it was my imagination since dad hadn’t said that he noticed anything different. Sometimes she seemed totally normal other times she was out there. Mom and Dad went to visit my sister and brother this past fall. My sister called me in a panic (while my mom was still visiting) asking me what was wrong with mom. I guess since she wasn’t around her as often as I was she really noticed a difference in her behavior. After mom and dad’s visit to my brother’s he also noticed a difference but I had to ask him about it. So I confronted dad and yes he agreed with all of us that something was wrong. I talked to mom about it and asked her if she was feeling ok and if she thought things were different. She said yes, something is wrong and she was scared. I guess I was lucky that she acknowledged that there was a problem and wanted my help. Mom has been seeing a psychiatrist (about 5 years now) for depression and is on an antidepressant. So my first thought was to see the psychiatrist about possibly the medicine causing her problem and I also had my dad take her to her regular doctor. Her primary ordered blood work (which was fine) and neurologic testing and referred her to a neurologist. It turns out that her psychiatrist knows her neurologist and everyone is working together to get to the bottom of her problem. She has since had an MRI as well as more blood work and is scheduled for a PET scan in a few days. Cancer, tumors, Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s, Lyme disease, vitamin deficiencies, hormonal issues have been ruled out. Her psychiatrist is weaning her off of her antidepressant incase what she is experiencing is a side effect. It is all very frightening. Mom has always been the one in charge, very self sufficient and taking care of everything. These past 6 months the tables have really turned and she (as well as my dad) is really counting on me to handle everything. I really wish my siblings were local to help me with all of this. Sorry this is so long. I guess I just needed to put it all down in writing and vent.

Write away--it helps put it all in perspective. The doctors didn't find anything unusual with the MRI or cat scan. "just getting old" seems to be the conclusion. I have a hard time accepting that as she is "only" 74. My brother feels bad for bringing it up, which makes me feel bad. But it wasn't just my sister and I who noticed the changes--Mom's sister called me with her concerns, and my adult children have also noticed a difference.