Her "rent" is apparently "sexual favors". She needs to accept that or move on.

I agree with you...there are real reasons that it happens.

sapphire,

First I'm sorry to hear about your personal problems and I hope that I do not offend you in any way. But I want to ask a question. Why is it better to stay in a marriage because of the children?

if you are unable to forgive and trust again, if a relationship is not a healthy and happy one is that really better for the children? We try and teach our children that they need to be brave, that difficult decisions are part of life, right? If so maybe divorce is the right thing to do (I'm speaking philosophically, not about your specific situation) and maybe children are better off growing up in two "honest" homes rather than one unhappy one for the "sake of the children". Divorce does not ruin our children and I've read many stories where adult children have told their parents that they probably should have divorced years before. Children do catch the clues of both happy and unhappy marriages. Maybe we stay together - not for the sake of the children - but for our own selfish personal reasons but we tell ourselves that we stay for the health of the children.

Personally I think people cheat and stay in marriages many times for the same reason - fear. Fear of being alone, fear of the unknown, fear of getting a divorce, fear of the economic impact, etc...

Most people who cheat are unhappy or less than satisfied with their marriage. It's usually a symptom of a bigger problem.

Sorry Heidi I have to disagree with regards to your generalizations. It's much more complicated than that sometimes.

Divorce takes courage and is painful and most of us really aren't all that courageous and do whatever we can to avoid pain. Especially as we get older. How many of us take bigger risks as we get older?

I have friends in all different relationship situations and the cheaters among them are good people. I think if we looked at ourselves honestly more of us would admit that we were expecting more or better from our relationships.

After 15 years of every little problem or disagreement including the words "maybe we should divorce" and before divorcing myself I cheated. Nothing to do with not loving myself or life all that much or poor esteem. Just a sad situation that I couldn't change. I went to counseling with her and did everything I could think of to try and change this dynamic and couldn't. My choices were rather obvious. I chose not to stay in the relationship and it was a difficult decision. You may be surprised to hear that I was not immediately happy or celebrating. In fact I was lonely and depressed and scared too. I didn't date right away either even though I had lots of opportunities. But it was the right decision. I want my son to grow up in a honest environment and would prefer two happy homes if possible rather than one unhappy one. If I would have stayed in the relationship I would have become a chronic cheater as a result of my unhappiness. People create different energy with different people and it's not easy to change behavior patterns. Some people are just mismatched and decide to cheat instead of, or as part of the divorce.