how often???

hmm I seem to remember when I was in my 30s us enjoying each other bout every day now I think most couples dont go to that extreme but my hubby is ... well a horn dog... Now were in our mid 40s and its slowed down due to menopause and back problems i is still couple of times a week perhaps shes depressed or did you just have a baby lots of things can affect a womans libido Id have a serious conversation about it if I were you before the wall goes up and there is resentment

Hi, just thought you'd be interested in that after having my daughter at 28 the sex drive came and went so unpredictably. I was also having female problems so I tried a different birth control pill and then another and another I felt like nothing was working. By the time I reached 37 my pill change and taking vitamins has helped my sex drive tremendously. My husband is a very happy man. I am 40 now and still loving it everyday sometimes 2-3x a day. So, talk to her about it in a sensitive way. Mention about asking the Gyno about certain things they may suggest. Good luck!

I see this same question repeated over and over and over again. I honestly cannot understand why men seem to think that this is an issue that has a simple answer. It doesn't and there can be many issues going on at the same time.

To be honest, a lot of husbands or LTRs become boring to a lot of women. The men rush through the event or they're selfish in their lovemaking. Men can be passive-aggressive with sex (and so can women), and women will rebound quickly with not wanting to be touched by someone who would treat them badly.

It is not always about PMS, gyn issues, menopause, etc. In other words it is not about gender a great deal of the time. Beat a dog down enough and he'll stop meeting you at the door. Women are sick of not being romanced and having the men in their lives not only expecting but demanding sex out of their own insensitive "needs".

Men - grow up. The more you give to your woman, the more you love her without expecting anything in return, the more sensitive you behave the more inclined she will be to perhaps trust you again with her feelings and body. And don't think for a moment that it will happen overnight. Women take their time with trust issues.

Reportedly 40-45% of married women have or are having affairs outside their marriage. Hmmmm Give that a good thinking guys.

I enjoy chocolate cake. But not too much or too often. A decent piece twice a month does me just fine. Sounds like your wife feels the same way about sex.

It also sounds like you want sex more often. That's fine too.

There is no "normal" amount of sex for couples. When people first fall in love, they can't keep their hands off each other. But the hot-and-heavy period lasts only 6 months to two years or so. Then one person or both experience sexual cooling. When both people do, things can work out fine. But when it's only one person, then the couple develops a desire difference--and often the confusion, consternation, and resentment I detect in your post.

I suggest that you search TBD under Desire Differences. You'll find a zillion posts because this is a very very common issue in longterm relationships.

For the record, while sexual frequencies vary greatly among couples, for those over 40 the most typical frequency is 3 times a month. For those in their 20s and 30s, it's closer to four times a month. But that doesn't mean your wife "should" have sex that often, just that many people do. If she wants it less, that's her right.

In the TBD discussions on this subject there's information about how sex therapists sugest resolving desire differences--basically, a heart-to-heart aimed at settling on a frequency both people can live with, usually more than the low-desire partner wants, and less than the high-desire wants. Once you have a negotiated frequency, then schedule it on your calendars.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Which is why desire differences are one of the top reasons couples consult sex therapists. You might want to do that. If so, visit the Am. Assoc. of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, www.aasect.org. Use the map tool to find all the therapists near you.

Desire differences CAN be resolved. Good luck.

In my home, communication was the key.

Sex became an exercise instead of the passionate and romantic activity it is now. I definitely had my moments in earlier years due to kids, and sleep deprivation, but now that we have begun to communicate again in new ways, and more honestly than ever, we don't have those uncomfortable and frustrating moments where you are feeling let down because you want to and she doesn't. My hubby also went through the stress of trying to get the promotion that was just out of his reach, and brought all of that "lovely stress" home to our kids and me. Ugh! Talk about a turn on! NOT!!!

The communication wasn't the easiest thing to get started, but it is very well worth the effort. Now we even write each other erotic tales or fantasies with each other and ourselves as the stars, and they are really hot! I can't wait to get home and 'get lucky'!

Give it a try! And, take a look at yourself and what you do for her each day, maybe you could give her a massage at the end of a rough day. Good Luck!

Very wise words from Mockingbird and you too Magic1. Nice to hear from those who've found solutions to this age old problem.

Thank you for your 'straight talk' to these guys!