Groups > The Writing Group (TWG)

How the reactions of others can turn an innocent act into such a scar and with the addition of humilation. Spitting is something I never understood. I never saw it in our own house. It was done when our face needed a touch up with a napkin, so it wasn't with humilation as much as discomfort of knowing she was using spit to wash our face. I only saw spiting in movies, and only when someone did something insulting; with exception to the story of JC. It must have been awful for you. But the good news is such behavior would not be acceptable in your families now. Glad it is passed.

My mother was the angriest person I have ever known. Her favorite saying was, "If I had known you could get $10,000 for a baby, I would not have raised a kid in this house." No, Mom didn't like her children. But, to be perfectly honest, Mom didn't like anyone, not even Dad. She spent her whole life feeling as if she had gotten the short straw.

Mom beat us with a vengeance! We quickly learned the trick of laying very still and quiet til she got tired. Cause, you see, if you made noises or moved, it gave her energy!

She dearly loved to label us and teach us to call each other by those names. I learned early that I was clumsy, loud, fat and would never amount to anything. My best bet would be to marry a man who could keep a close watch on my behavior. After all, I was a whore. Well, being only about 11 years old, I didn't know what that meant, but I sure was upset that I was one of those!

My mother could lie her way out of everything. When bills weren't paid, she hid the envelopes and tied socks around the phone ringer so Dad wouldn't find out. She got a Post Office box so we kids could run up in the morning to get the mail before Dad did. Yes, we were in on the game, so to speak.

We were never allowed to attend weddings, funerals or any other public gatherings. She would have been too embarrassed by us. We believed her.

When I became an adult, I had no idea how to handle my husband's funeral. Yes, Mom was right. I was an embarrassement.

I am one tough woman. I seldom hug, don't like being touched and I usually have a smart-mouthed answer for everything. That way nobody gets too close and finds out how flawed I am.

My Mom died in 2000. I hope she finds the peace she needs on the other side.

Andi8750, thank you for joining in. Your detailed descriptions of your mother's evil affects and influences are bone chilling.

What can a child do? What does a child learn? Innocence lost, difficult to regain.

As for hiding your flaws, you had the courage to let us know about them from your perspective with this post. To me, that is the act of someone who cares, particularly about herself. The light of truth can and does remove the darkness evil creates, as so many of the posts in this event demonstrate.

Thank you for this sharing.

andi8750, your mother scares me - it's a testament to you that you survived and with the healthy sense of humor you have - I read it here.

It took courage to share this. Thank you.

You are amazing, as you have found the strength and courage, but I do hope you allow yourself now the love she couldn't give you then. I hope you find peace and tenderness now that she is gone. I also hope she finds peace too. Such a touching story, and heartbreaking, I know I am one who is glad you shared and are here to do so. Bless you for your courage and ability to overcome. Peace.