I am writing this in tears please anyone help me. I live with a boyfriend he is so demanding and hot tempered. Today out of the blue he wanted me to call my ex and ask him to pay for my sons plane ticket to california which i have money to pay for. He says to play with his emotions and that he bets my ex would pay for his ticket. My ex is a good person he pays his son's child support on time every month and calls him everyday. This person I am with always ask about my sons child support, When I get money i always give him half Last month I gave him 1,200 dollars I do everything he wants me to do. He got angry because i did not want to call my ex and lie to him so that he could send extra money, He said his ex-wife did not argue with him when he asked her to call her ex about child support I told him that is becasue we are different, anyhow he said he was done raising his two daughters and he did not want to help raise my little son I told him he did not have to and that he knew what to do. and he said "no you know what to do, this is my house." HE said "you ought to be bitchin' at him not at me" I am tired of him always telling me stuff and making me do things and I am so stupid to listen but something makes me stay. right now he is angry and to keep the peace for my son's sake I always have to kiss ass even when its not my fault, it feels like Iam drowning in depression and i can't get out and I can't tell you guys the rest of the stuff he does to me mentally, please what should i do? All my family lives in California and want me back home, it's just me and my son here in Chicago i have no family to run too if he were to throw me out. I need that extra push some one to knock some sense into me.
Deevee gonzales
Posted:
May 9, 08
4:10pm
Posted: May 9, 08 4:21pm
Consider this a verbal push. LIving with a man who verbally abuses you is not only bad for you, it sets a terrible example for your son. Leave him and return to where you have some support to restart your life as an independent woman. No man is worth "kissing ass".
Posted: May 9, 08 4:48pm
I know that no man is worth kissing ass for but why do i have fear that i won't have anyone to love me? This man i am with is really heavy, he is not attractive but has put into my head that i have no ass or big enough breast. i use to love myself and now i am self concious about my body
Posted: May 9, 08 4:37pm
Deevee
There are people here more qualified Than I to answer but I will try to help until they do.
It sounds like a very serious situation and I worry about you're safety. You need to find a way out perhaps with the help of a women's in crisis center. I am sure there are such domestic shelters where you are, seek their help and counseling. Get out and get a restraining order. Once you are safe, try and find a way to get back to Calif. if that is what you want. Just get to where you are safe and seek help. Put yourself in a frame of mind so you can make the decessions you need to make.
Posted: May 9, 08 4:46pm
you guys are so sweet, i just don't understand why I just can't seem to leave maybe because he uses his sweetness after wards which is starting to wear off or maybe i feel sorry for him he ran off all of his family I can't go see no one he chased his daughters away and I am left with no one to talk to. my daughter came to visit me in december she fought with him and told him why he treats me with no respect when all i do is everything for him well she went back to california and told my whole family, and now they are fighting to bring me back home i just need the help to leave, I think Iam afraid i won't find anyone else to love me...
Posted: May 9, 08 7:31pm
If you don't want to leave for yourself, leave for your son. Living in a toxic environment only will teach your son that it's acceptable to abuse a woman, which it most certainly is not. And don't kid yourself if you think that you can hide it from him.
I encourage you to contact one of the many women's shelters in the Chicago land area. They can help you with the details of how to leave your situation and assist in getting you counseling.
Posted: May 9, 08 7:58pm
Thank you guys so much..
Posted: May 9, 08 7:36pm
DeeVee,
The feelings/ opinions you are reading are SOLELY based on the things YOU have told the people responding to you. If you can't see what you are involved in, listen to the completely unbiased opinions, they are simply telling you what you are too close to SEE for yourself, although, you DO, just look at your own responders.
DeeVee, I can tell you this, if you don't get out, you WILL die, either actually dying or by your soul dying! You have to get the hell away from this man and you KNOW IT!
In fact, now that you have been told repeatedly, you are on notice. Beyond what this man is doing to you, I guarantee you he is damaging your child.
If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your child. If you have heard all of this and STILL choose to stay with him, you are not doing anyone ANY favors. You can see what you are doing, any damage he causes from this point on, you ‘ve been warned .
Posted: May 9, 08 7:59pm
You are my eye openers and I will never forget what you all have done for me I have a court date on the 22nd I have booked a flight to calfornia for the 23rd thanks all of you wonderful people
Dolores
Posted: May 9, 08 8:29pm
Deevee, This is your friend CWO3ROBBIE.
Get out. There is no reason to stay with this guy. Contact a womens group. mDon't worry about what this guy will think or do. Just get out!
CWO3ROBBIE
Posted: May 9, 08 9:19pm
Dolores,
Something you said just struck me. "I'm afraid I won't find anyone else to love me." Do you have someone who loves you now? Almost anyone will treat you better than this! Being alone and independent is way better than what you have.
Posted: May 9, 08 10:41pm
Listen to Isadora! She is a smart woman. And again I say, She is ONLY using YOUR words, feelings and thoughts to make her observations/ feelings. She has nothing but what YOU have told her to go on. She is mirroring YOUR feelings, she has simply removed the emotion or personal involvement, if you will.
She is telling you what you have told her. The hope would be that YOU can somehow finally see/hear what WE are saying BACK to you.
Isa is correct, you are worried about losing something that don't even have NOW.
Trust me my dear, You will find so much MORE with the ability to be who YOU are and be the Mother your child deserves!
Posted: May 9, 08 11:28pm
* includes photos
Deevee
It sounds like you are ready to go. You have plane tickets.Why do you have a court date?
You better go or you will spend the rest of your life alone. He will drive you down so far you will not feel like another man can love you the way you should be loved.
You will not loose a thing by leaving him. If you go he will have another woman in his life within a week. He sounds like the type that needs a woman in his life to abuse to make him happy.
If you don't leave now you will stay with him until he screws up not only your mind but your son's too. It's up to you.
Please leave and your life can be happy agaun.
Posted: May 10, 08 12:39pm
Thank you,you guys are so great
Posted: May 11, 08 6:44pm
Your current guy is a loser. He's abusive. He puts you down. Sure it's tough to leave, to adjust to singlehood, and then get back out there and meet new people. But please don't let that deter you. This guy sounds like major trouble.
Posted: May 12, 08 11:08am
all you guys have been so kind I can't believe that there a site on the internet that actually is desent thanks to you and everybody else... I am still here so stay in touch you guys ain't seen the last of me:)
Posted: May 13, 08 7:40am
Good, Deevee. You're giving us all the opportunity to realize how important the good people are, and to be with them.
Posted: May 13, 08 7:37am
California.
It doesn't even matter what your live-in does to you. All that matters is what you're doing to yourself.
I had an angel whisper in my ear once when I was in a bad relationship--Be loyal to yourself. Your son needs you.
Posted: May 13, 08 7:35pm
Deevee
Your boy friend is no friend. I cannot imagine any man accepting even $1 of a kids child support. You and he are worlds apart. I am sure there is someone out there that will treat you better.
By your own words, it sounds like you would be better off back in California.
Posted: May 13, 08 7:49pm
Deevee, you've already said you have a whole crowd of people fighting to get you back there. Those are people who love you. And if it's a man you are afraid you'll never get, don't be in too much hurry. You've made a lousy choice in this one, and apparently your previous marriage didn't work. Take a break and learn to love yourself. When you really love yourself, you'll be a better mother to your son. Your next love should be attracted by the new you -- the you who loves herself. Get on that plane.
Posted: May 14, 08 6:17pm
My dear girl,
I am a policve officer and I too have been in your shoes...
I was married to a man who was very abussive and just down right mean...He was so similar to your man it's unreal.
You deserve better my dear...YOU deserve better!!! And so does your precious son who I'm sure feels the tension and anger. Don't ever let anyone ever make you feel like you are not worth anything...YOU are very special to God and to that little boy of yours...and I'm sure to many family members and friends as well. He needs you and he needs you safe..and with a clear mind..and away from the man who really doesn't care about either of you. He doesn't care about anyone but himself and he's proven that.
Are you sure that your faily in Calif. won't help you??? As others havbe told you you need to get out of that house..and soon!!! It's not safe for you or your son.
I lived in New York with my little girl and I felt if I left my husband I would never love or find anyone again....I finally left him to move to Arizona with my daughter. It wasn't easy but it was well worth it...I started getting help from the Govt. til I could get back on my own feet which I am now and I eventually met the man of my dreams and am now married to him, and it's wonderful!
You too my dear will find someone out there to love again..God has someone for you. Besides being alone is better than the situation you are in now isn't it? Your son deserves a happy home and a safe home as well. Please give that to him..You deserve to be happy again with your life, and as long as you are there with him...you won't ever be happy...
God bless you...you are in my prayers.
Laurie
Posted: May 14, 08 7:13pm
I stayed in a psychologically abusive relationship 29 years. It's a long story. Thought I was stupid, Thought no one else could love me. Thought I wasn't a good mother. Thought I couldn't make it on my own. Guess who convinced me of all that? One day I walked out and moved 1200 miles away so it would be harder for me to go back. I went to school on grants and loans. Got my BA and MA in 4.5 years with a 3.87 GPA. So much for being stupid! In the beginning I was so scared that, if anyone on campus had said "boo!" I would have run and quit school. It was the best thing I ever did. I found out who I was, what colors I liked, but most of all, that I could make it without a man. Eight years later I remarried and after nine years of marriage we are still wonderful and kind to each other, we laugh every day, life is good! Go for it!