Facing Fear: Slaying Dragons, or Befriending them?

Thank you Lee :)

Thank you Lee for such caring thoughts.

Take care!!

mockingbirdlovesmothersdaymostofallkitty

I've never felt such compassion & kindness before, this feeling of acceptance is beyond words, thank you.

lee, the flowers are beautiful, as are your thoughts.

My wish for us all is to feel the warmth of love, in all it's expressions.

Love, light & laughter, Deb

After having put this out there a while back: "I want to learn from others how to face my fears with courage" - it's amazing how this is happening from so many different sources. For the ones who've become like family here on tbd - for the ones who aren't with me anymore - for the ones who don't even realize they're teaching me - for my family - I want to say THANK YOU.

I posted a discussion "Unique Mother's Day Gift" about my son's courageous act this morning. When he was telling me he said that he was really scared, BUT that his desire to stop a drunk driver was stronger than his fear.

As RoseBear said in her opening comments:

"Courage is doing something despite your fear",

is so true.

I'm just so grateful I wanted to share.

Take care, Deb

First, thank you all for the endearing words. I see all of you as such worthy persons, that have great self worth!!. I say this because I can see you through different eyes. You are all deserving of great love and understanding.

Question of fear?, From my perspective I have looked back and trying to understand where fear comes from. Fear comes from the thought process that someone or something is about to do you physical or mental harm, or to have the ability to take action that will cause physical or mental harm. Some of this goes back to family characteristics that we were to be taught. For us to have optimal mental health, we as children need to bond to warm, loving adults in a secure, predictable setting. It is through these procedures that we learn to trust others and ourselves. If all things are given as a reasonable demand, we discover our world is predictable, and that we will learn to be able to cope. What is more important is that when difficulties arise, one knows what we can share this burden with others, who will support us. We have learned and a number of us have been predisposed as children with insecurity, Shane, guilt, secrecy, distrust, alterations or fear of emotions that damage on mental health.

Some of us develop fear, because we are victims of being disbelieved, stigmatized, Shane, were shunned. We also develop fears due to victimization, i.e. lawyers, ministers, family members, doctors and the list goes on that be little are seeking assistance in help. How many have been told by your doctors, It is all in your head?. This comes from creating a feeling of helplessness or danger. Too many times we do not give the appropriate meaning to fear. It is natural to feel fear when we are about to do a dangerous thing that can cause us great harm. Then there's the other definition of fear, of which many of us have gleaned, because, we were not brought up with the ability to dialogue or express the appropriateness of our feelings. This is a book in itself, and I leave it to those professionals that spend a lifetime in study. I have come to understand that if you have not suffered these emotions. I doubt that you can appropriately respond to their needs. Call this, ignorant or selfish, but I find myself unable to relate truly to understanding some emotions that I have never been exposed to. What are your thoughts on this subject?

May we all continue to learn that we are worthy human beans!

Lee

Hi Lee,

For me, you've hit the nail on the head. I spent a lot of years 'trying' to deal with what you talk about & have come to this conclusion - for me:

The times when I was a victim & felt helpless - I was scared to my core. I couldn't 'fight' or 'flee'. Over the years I depleted my adrenal glands & the result was feelings of anxiety - which came out in a variety of physical, mental & emotional symptoms. It seemed that no matter what I did or didn't do - I couldn't fill that black hole inside of me. These past few months - by being gentle & patient with myself - by allowing people to love me - by allowing myself to cry - by journaling - by supporting my body through various therapies, herbs, healthy foods & exercise - by feeling gratitude and (just recently) - by forgiving myself for believing I caused someone's suffering.

I totally agree with you when you say about others not being able to relate to others. I've received some pretty wacky advice from what I call 'text book teachers' - they tell me what they learned in school as to how to deal with real life. I personally connect so much better with people that 'walk their talk'. It's all well & good for me to sit at my desk - come up with things that might work in theory - but that's all it is, theory. It's putting it into action, each baby step built upon the last - that makes all the difference for me.

Amazing food for thought. Take care, Deb

i tend to be very empathetic and open to other people's emotions. i think it is a relic of a survival behavior from childhood. since i lived with such unpredictable nuts, it was to my benefit to be open and aware of their emotional states.

the bad thing about that was it got so i couldnt tell the difference between their emotions and mine and it has taken me many many years of trial and error and work to be able to say, when i am overcome by intense emotion, 'that isnt mine.'

but when i am operating in full awareness of that, it makes it easy for me to help others. and it is a gift, in that regard. i tend to sense things other people dont, and to be aware of trends and unseen things going on within and between people. mostly i keep my observations and perceptions to myself, and watch how it all plays out. i have a few friends who understand this ability of mine and who seek me for counsel. but i dont offer it unasked for.

so i suppose it is a beneficial side effect and gift from all those years of childhood fear.