Groups > Sexless Marriages

Actually, bikr, the bible condones sex with handmaidens, if I recall correctly. I don't think that it has equal coverage for women in bad marriages, though.

I had to jump in, I'm new here. I just got divorced after 17 years. My husband shut me out for years on end. The emotional damage is horrible. Lack of sex was just a symptom. The bigger issue was his just not caring how unhappy and broken I was. At least in my case it clearly was grounds for divorce. Severe emotional abuse. I hope no one else has to go through anything like it.

If you look around TBD for discussions on Desire Discrepency or Sexless Marriage you will find that many people are enduring what you did - sexual and emotional estrangement from their spousess. It seems to be a very common problem for 40+ people, men and women.

Hey!

Mine did the same trick!...I have lived that way for over a year like that now, I am I feel she should want it...I will never beg for sex...I want her to desire me! Yes, i think it is a good reason to leave. However, if you love her....try to work it out! I have not left mine because she offers more than I could find elsewear....

S~

Wayne (et al.)

When I was faced with that, I figured either it was me, or it was her. Maybe I wasn't very attractive to her.

So I set out to change that. I exercised, and watched my weight. I lost some weight. In my case, it turned out that it wasn't me after all--it was her. But I still gained. I got healthier, and I got moreattractive to possible, potential "mates." I also got a serious boost in my self-exteem, both internally as well as from positive comments from attractive women (and, no, nothing ever happened).

For other reasons--specifically, from my quite serious threats to leave the marriage, and including one, brief dinner date with a gorgeous young woman (done with my wife's full knowledge but not her consent--long story), my wife has "turned around."

Unfortunately, she isn't doing anything to make herself attractive to me. But that, again, is a different story.

Best of luck to you.

PS--I've used the analogy before that it's like buying a car. You get the best deals when you're ready to walk away.

Begging and pleading DO NOT WORK. They de-value you in her (hell--in ANYBODY'S) eyes. Be up front about it. "Honey--this isn't working for me. An important part of me is sexual and physical, and needs affection. No offense, but I'm not ready to give that up at [insert your age here] years old. I'd really love to continue experiencing that with you, but if you're unwilling or unable to, I would really appreciate knowing, so I can go about finding it elsewhere."

Let me know how that works out... ;)

Yes, After 22 years I am separated from my once good friend who did not want a sexual relationship after time....Perhaps once a year...It is interesting that most comedians suggest that women are the ones who negate sex...I could have sex every day and not tire of it....waiting to be desired or having someone say"It's not you " really pulls the center of your heart and love out....not to mention self esteem....