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Hi Ginger,

It's difficult for me to discuss in open forum, but, I guess this is why we're here.

My son is a cross-dresser, which is far worse than simply being homosexual. Of course many cross-dressers are homosexual, but many aren't.

Cross-dressing is a never-never land for men... many, if not most homosexual men don't like cross-dressers, they don't want to be associated with them, and straight men want to kill them, have kinky sex with them, or both.

Cross-dressing men make nearly everyone uncomfortable, although most lesbians and many straight women enjoy their company tremendously. Some women marry cross-dressers.

Don't want to offend you by saying this, but I've often thought it could be the best of both worlds... girl-friend-boy-friend all wrapped up in one package.

If people could stop judging each other, they'd be far happier. Condemning someone in the name of God and the Bible, is hardly Christ like.

I don't know if Jesus ever had sex with Mary Magdalene or anyone, but I do know, he really Loved His Brothers, and isn't this what His Teaching was about... Love? And why is Love or Spirituality renounced by sex?

It's been publicized that Mary Magdalene and Jesus were lovers. If this was true, would it have made Them less Spiritual to you?... How about if Jesus and Peter were lovers?

Strangest thing I've noticed about male cross-dressers, transsexuals, transgenders, is that many become lesbians, after "reassignment surgery", and transgender women become gay men.

When I first found out about my son, (30 years ago), it blew my mind. I couldn't believe I'd missed it??? I tried to accept what he was doing... tried to think about not losing a son, but gaining a daughter I hadn't known I had.

The first night he dressed up for me, he scared me to death... wasn't at all pretty... combination street whore, indian in war paint and the Carole Burnett Show.

Not that I have anything against indians or "ladies of the night', or Carole Burnett for that matter, but he was so hyper-agitated, on the edge, he scared me.

That night I had a nightmare, he was chasing after me - an indian on the war path.

My son's sexual "deviance" is compounded by the fact that he's not homosexual, and he's homophobic... a very lethal combination, makes him angry and confused.

I don't know a good solution to my son's problem - he's so alone with it, but your son has a world of opportunity to be happy - meet a world of wonderful gay men, and cross-dressers if he likes.

Now wouldn't that be incredible, for you and your husband - a crossing-dressing daughter-in-law? I'm not trying to be silly or crass, just think it's important you know the story, get a clear picture of whatever might turn out to be.

"Just think how that would make Tyler feel that he was the cause of his dad and I breaking up over all of this."

I can't imagine you and your husband have a good relationship now, I think your husband must be very controlling.

I'm suspecting Tyler and his father haven't gotten along because your husband's ashamed of Tyler, he's never been as masculine as he wanted him to be... he sees this as a reflection on himself... like father, like son.

Your husband is homophobic... there's a reason for that.

My mother dressed me until I was 12, because she wanted me to dress like a girl. Fortunate for me, styles changed, it became acceptable, even stylish for women to wear men's clothes, they even make jockey shorts for women, but no one allows a man to wear a dress.

How one-sided and ignorant is that? It's only clothes!

I think men look awesome in jewelery... and some makeup, in pants, skirts or dresses. Mostly the white race squelches bodily adornment of men, but the younger generation's making great strides in expanding the mind of society.

I suspect my mother might've been attracted to women, but she wouldn't allow herself to be; up to her last breath she detested me for not following her wishes - she despised me for going against her - she thought I was deliberately trying to hurt her...

It wasn't about her.

If I'd tried to live my life her way, I would've died long before she did. I actually think, as a matter of fact, I'm actually quite certain... my mother might have preferred me dead, rather than a live breathing lesbian.

You need to know if your husband feels the same about Tyler... would he rather Tyler was dead? Find out, might give you a big clue about your marriage staying together.

There's a really awesome movie, "The Lost Language of Cranes" - you and your son might benefit from watching - possibly your husband... possibly...

Anyway, good luck. You're traveling a difficult road, but one that can lead to great depths of Spirituality... isn't this the real reason we're here?

Hi Incognito, Thanks for sharing a little pice of your life with me, you will never know how much you have helped me, just by helping me understand that this is some thing that I can and will handel. as far as your son I would love my son if he chose to be a cross dresser it would not matter to me either way, and yes if the world would just stop judging and just love them for who they are this world would be far better off. I find it funny that you added the commit about it not being about your mother, dont get me wrong, but Tyler told me the same thing when I was still struggling with all of this, he let me know that he didnt chose to be this way, and if he could he would not be gay. His exact words to me were do you really think if it was a choice I would want to be like this and have the world hate me for what I am. At that mommet I knew that it was not a choice that he had made it was who he was, and that he was still the same great kid he always was, and that I loved him no matter what. As far as my husband, I will at some point tell him and all that you have gave me I will keep in mind, I do know he loves Tyler, but you are right he always wanted Tyler to be more like him, but Tyler always wanted to be with me, and not his dad, Tyler always wanted to go shopping with me and spend time with me and I know this hurt his dad, but I also think that his dad didnt make much of an effort to do the thing that Tyler liked to do either. I will be looking for the movie this weekend and I will get back with you on it. Thanks

Hi Ginger,

It's so great that you and Tyler are so close. I can see how that must have hurt your husband. He wanted a papa's boy. I'm sorry for him but envious of you.

A gay man is truly someone special, creative, highly intelligent, unusually kind, compassionate and accepting. I don't think this can be said of any other group of individuals on this planet.

You're going to love Tyler's friends and they're REALLY going to love you.

I love you too - wish you were my next door neighbor... (grin)!

I'm curious; probably you've always known, on some level, but did Tyler confess his gayness to you or did you discover it on your own? In either case, how did it make you feel, in the beginning?

Hi,

Okay, well let's see it all started when Tyler was about 14, I started to notice little things about him that were not like the rest of the boys.

and I guess when he was about 16 is when I really knew in my heart that he was gay, but it wasnt until the summer that my mother passed away that he can out to me.

we were just talking on day I dont remember about just what but just stuff, we are very very close and we talk about everything, I have always told him that he could talk to me about anything. anyway we were talking and I just ask him are you gay, and he was looking at me like he was going to bust out in tears, and I told him it's okay I already know, but I want to hear you say it. and thats when he told me and we both cried for I dont know how long. He was crying because he knew he didnt have to hide any more and I was crying because I thought I had lost my little boy, I felt like my heart had been riped out of my chest, and I felt that way for a long time.

I thought that I had failed as a parent for long time, but in all of this time that it took me I not one time ever let Tyler go through this alone, he knew that I was having a hard time but he also knew that I loved him not matter what.

And he still knows that I still have my days when I struggle with it, I dont keep that from him, we are very open, But now I can say my son is gay and I love him very much. and I want him to find someone and be happy he has had so many bad times in his short 17 years I want so bad to see him happy.

I talked a little about my mother who we lost 3 years ago, just about the time we started going through all of this, she and Tyler were so very close, and it really hurts him that he did not tell her, He and I know that she would have loved him no matter what also. my mother was a very loving person, when I was in school I had a very close friend that was a lesbian and she stayed with a lot, my mother knew that she was what she was, and loved her anyway, and she also know that I was not. so it did not matter I loved her and so did my family.

I wished you were my next door neighbor also, I really havent had any one to talk to about all of this and man it sure feels good, my sister in law says she understands and they love Tyler and I know they do , but you havent been thought it you cant know what it like.

Talk to you soon, and if you feel funny talking like this you can e-mail me @ kitty_cat_mom@yahoo.com

"we were talking and I just ask him are you gay, and he was looking at me like he was going to bust out in tears, and I told him it's okay I already know, but I want to hear you say it. and thats when he told me and we both cried for I dont know how long."

Wow! That choked me up, brought on the tears... having trouble pulling myself together, so emotional... so wonderful and awful.

"I still have my days when I struggle with it."

The best remedy I know for this, is to realize that you and your son are changing the world.

I hold firm to the belief that we chose our lives, map out our own destiny before we come here - set up these circumstances to learn and grown into Spiritual Consciousness.

My belief is shared by many others, particularly Eastern Religious Traditionalists, in any event it's a belief that sustains me.

Far as I'm concerned, it's good to talk about this in open. Seems anyone having problems with gay issues might benefit from our experiences, but if you want or need to get into nitty-gritty, email me - seagal@wavecable.com.

Sandi

Sandi,

I think we should talk about this openly also, who knows how many people out there are struggling with this very thing and dont know where to go, maybe they will find this group and we can help them through some of this.

I dont want anyone to have to go through this alone like I did, Oh I had Tyler, but it would have great to have someone like you to talk to, I know that I can talk to you now but I think I'm through the worst of it, I hope. all but telling my husband and that will come soon.

Thanks for being a friend and for being so easy to talk to, you have my email and I 'm always off and on here almost every day so lets keep in touch.

Thanks for everything. Oh and thanks for sharing your name I like it a lot better than, ( incognito )

Ginger