Groups > Couples' Communication

Wow. This is great. Thanks Rocci. I know that if I'm not happy with myself and my own life, then I won't be happy with anyone in my life. And it's not that I'm unhappy. I'm far from that. I'm not dancing on the table or anything, but I am very content a lot of the time. I kept saying to him I want you to be as happy (or happier) "here" as your are "there." And I don't think he understands that. I believe we find ourselves inside, not outside of our selves. I have really been thinking about this apparent need to escape. No one can contact him. He very rarely gets phone reception where he goes. How convenient. He told me yesterday he was going away for a hiking trip over Labor Day. This makes the fourth one-week trip he has taken in about 9 months. One was with me to Jamaica, but I didn't enjoy myself as much as I usually do.

Thanks to everyone. I feel so clear about all this, finally!!! Better late than never.

Let me add one more thing since reading your latest posting. The fact that he claims to not have cell connection or any other communication method leads me to believe, and I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like he's married and lives out of town. Sometimes married men lead dual lives where each woman supplies something specific that the other doesn't in the eyes of the man.

The troubling things is it being so regular makes me wonder about his honesty. Maybe it's my divorced cynicism oozing out but these explanations don't seem quite believable. If this isn't an issue that would bother you, then just enjoy the relationship for what it is, but if the possibility that he might be married does bother you, you may want to verify if he is in fact telling you the truth.

He doesn't live with you. He doesn't pay your way. He spends him money on himself. This isn't a partner. He is a friend with benefits and no obligations! You created a delusion that he and you have some kind of holy unmatrimony state. He is a free man who dates you. All your own words point ot that.

What is it that you love? It sounds more like a dependency on your part than any deep love ... or respect.

You have a list of complaints about him from genesis to revelation and want us to decide what you should do with him? If you have to ask, you need help. A spinal transplant might be in order.

Under the circumstances you described, he has every right to go where he wants, spend his money any way he wants and you have the right to do one of two things:

Take him as he is

Leave him as he is.

My suggestion: Decide which way will you be happier - with him just the way he is or without him just the way he is because you have about as much chance of changing him as you do of getting the sun to cycle west to east tomorrow!

OUCH!

Alright allready, I've made up my mind and have spoken with him and have made it clear that I don't want contact. I will probably run into him occasionally but that'll be it. And, actually, I feel relieved. Onward and upward!

Let me know how you're doing,ok?I'm glad you reached out when you felt you needed to.

Thanks Marge. You're very kind. I have a feeling I'm going to be just fine!