Arky:

You forgot the last step of the "Mayonnaise and 2 Cups of Coffee" story.

After answering the last question, the professor then (discretely, of course) urinates into the jar. When one of the shocked students asked what that was all about, the professor responded, That's to remind you that no matter how wondrous, joyful, and full your life may seem, someone can always come along and piss on everything.

Harvey, here we all are having our spirits raised, getting ready to have a joyous day and then you have to piss on our parade!

Geez.... have a great day anyhow!

The map...

A father wanted to read a magazine but was being bothered by his little daughter, Vanessa. Finally, he tore a sheet out of his magazine on which was printed the map of the world. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Vanessa, and said, "Go into the other room and see if you can put this together." After a few minutes, Vanessa returned and handed him the map correctly fitted together. The father was surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly. "Oh," she said, "on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got all of Jesus back where He belonged, then the world came together."

Thank you for some very profound and timely thoughts, Arkadash.

Harvey, without the vinegar in life we can not appreciate the sugar. Thank you too!

"And a little child shall lead them."---Biblical.

Again, gratitude for your thoughtful, kind post, Arky.

A martial arts student went to his teacher and said earnestly, "I am devoted to studying your martial system. How long will it take me to master it."

The teacher's reply was casual, "Ten years."

Impatiently, the student answered, "But I want to master it faster than that. I will work very hard. I will practice everyday, ten or more hours a day if I have to. How long will it take then?"

The teacher thought for a moment,

"20 years."

The Trouble Tree

The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job. A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.

While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me in to meet his family. As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.

When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.

Afterward, he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier. "Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again."

Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick em up, there aren't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before".