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Group admin:: Kirks
Created:: August 7, 2007
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Wife and Son at war

Posted: Nov 20, 07 2:29pm

My wife and son cannot seem to have a conversation without it turning into a battle. He baits, she nags, and nags and nags. Like a Beagal with on a pant leg, snarlin', snappin', growlin'.

Latest episode: dinner table, Monday night, 8PM. We have a family friend/bandmate over for dinner who'll be spending the night as he lives a coupla hours away. Wife starts to comment on my sons's (19) progress at the local community college. My son, who injured himself in a surfing accident last Saturday, has been taking it very easy. On crutches, as a matterofact.

He's no academic, but I suspect that over the course of several years he'll get a degree in something. His call, as far as I'm concerned. His passion is surfing, and I say go for it. Well, wife doesn't quite see it that way, accuses him of being lazy and not trying his best.

(What is one's "best", anyway? Is it a direct corollary to the amount of pain and suffering one has to endure to accomplish something? How can anyone else judge what one's "best" is - I mean, it should be personal, right?)

Well, point is, with my friend and daughter sitting at the table, my wife and son get's into it, and she gets his teeth into him and won't let go (which she is apt to do after a coupla glasses of red). I plead with them to take it outside, let up, write each other a note. But no. Finally I am forced to get up and whisper in her ear: "you are being very rude". At which point everybody shuts up, she goes off to her room and my son goes off to his. And my friend and I try to have a normal conversation...

This is just one little episode - seems like it goes on day after day and it bums me out. I'm not big into arguing.

Anybody know what it's like to be the referee at a boxing match, 'cuz that's what this feels like.

Tags:

family, dysfunction, fighting, arguing

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1 Comment // 2 Members

Milt T

Posted: Nov 21, 07 7:55am

tweedledum wrote:

My wife and son cannot seem to have a conversation without it turning into a battle. He baits, she nags, and nags and na...

On the simplest level: Your wife can't win these arguments because she has no suggestions for him, just noise. She has some other issue and her fights with him mask them because to put it bluntly, her complaints are bullshit!

You hint that the lady doth drink too much. How often does she get in her cups and how often is your poor son a smokescreen for a drunk mother?

There is so much brewing here that you won't be able to deal with the problem until you can stand back and see what is really going on.

You are an element too. You back him actively or tacitly when she bloviates. Maybe the problem is between the two of you and your son is just a single point on a large star chart of issues you and your wife have.

In any case, there is no way your son will ever accomplish anything under that kind of verbal assault.

A referee would be a good family counselor but start with a marriage counseling situation because the biggest part of the problem is that you and your wife do not agree on how to raise children and I would bet how to do a lot of other things as well.

Why have you sat back and allowed this to go on without doing something? If nothing else, as a parent, you are responsible for providing a safe and healthy atmosphere in which your kids can grow up. I am sure it is not doing your daughter much benefit either.

There is too much going on for you not to bring in professional help. You may not win but at least you can level the playing field a little for the sake of the kids.

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