i became completely helpless and in the hospital before i realized (or even had the correct Bipolar diagnosis) that creating a circle of support was the only option. Wanting to be "normal" didn't seem possible until i was told there was a reason for my mood swings. After that getting the best care possible was, for me, the only option. This requires self acceptance, medical care, therapy, medications, eating healthy, avoiding triggers and keeping a strong suport group close by. I have been desperate, suicidel, hopeless and planned for the end. Just 4 weeks ago I had a recent set back, was hospitalzed, yet some how still knew i would be Ok if i could just remember it will pass ( it took three weeks) but it did pass.

It has been 10 days since i have been out and i don't blame the medications or therapy or life circumstance for anything, i know it is just the Bipolar, it has a mind of it's own and can change me when i least expect it. BUT i educated myself, took control of who i am and created an abundance of round the clock care to make sure when bipolar shows its ugly side i can count on people to see it and help me survive. ~coach marcy

Very inspirational, Coach Marcy

I am one of the few lucky ones. I was not diagnosed until I was 40 even though I was hospitalized as early as age 13 (others to follow)with what I now know to be Bipolar Type I. So...when I was finally correctly diagnosed I was so happy to have a name and a treatment plan for what I considered to be my many, many, personality defects that I am and expect always to be compliant. Maybe this is just my way of trying to forgive myself for my pre medicated behaviors. Being medicated and staying medicated has been a fresh start for me mentally. It has eased much of the guilt I feel over many of the outrageous things I did previously.

...It has eased much of the guilt I feel over many of the outrageous things I did previously... You are in familiar territory here. Everyone who has ever been Bipolar has been involved in some form of outrageous behavior.

It is important to remember that there are two components to your treatment plan, both of which you seem to realize.

One is the recognition that there are areas of your life previously that you wish you had not engaged in. But you did, and at least some of those reasons were illness supported. The second component is the realization that in order to avoid those same difficulties, compliance is the only answer. The philosopher Epictetus (1st Century Stoic) had a good comment however on how not to let the past eat at you. "The condition of an uninstructed person is that he blames himself for his own faults. The condition of one whose instruction has begun is that he blames others for his own faults. But the condition of one whose instruction is complete is that he blames neither others nor himself"

In other words, we move on, and we learn in the process. Enjoy your life my friend and don't look back. That was "Zen". This is "Dao." Good for you. I'm very pleased to read your comments.

One other thing that has radically changed my life is a vigorous exercise program. For Bipolars, it gives us a lot of free endorphins that will make you feel really good, but without the mania. Best wishes. Please contribute again when you can.