Groups > Middle Age Divorce

I would have had more trust, and i would have said noway no how to georgia

Don't do it! Divorce is the most painful process anyone should ever have to go through. It creates a wound that reopens time and time again. For the sake of the children find out what your wife feels she needs to make it work and get the love back.

I think there is a huge difference in the emotions of the person who is doing the leaving and the one who is actually left.

The leaver doesn't appear to suffer in the same way that the person left does.This has just been my experience and this is not to diminish the pain felt by anyone who has left.

Pain is pain...it hurts regardless. But know this; If you have tried everything you know possible and she still wants to leave - hold your head up high.Life will go on, pain will lesson and before you know it you will have become a surviver.

I will pray for you and your family,

Sandy

You have to keep trying for as long as you feel is right. In addition to counseling, there are websites you can check out, as well as plenty of self-help books and gurus. You can check out google and dogpile.com. If you (and only you) finally come to the point where you don't see any more use in trying, then you know it's time to file. Separation might be the answer. It's not for me. I don't want to be financially burdened by my STBX and his extravagances. Anyway, there is no *legal* separation in the state I live in, and although I'm not even thinking at this time about the prospect of remarriage, I don't care to put that completely off the table. But like I said, in the end, only you will know when and if it's time. If you're not sure, then it's probably not. For now, look into some more avenues to try to fix things.

Yeah, this could well be the case. To tell you the truth, I was pretty unhappy in my marriage for a very long time. When I finally discovered my husband was having an affair, and had been for quite a long time, I went nuts trying to get him to leave her and keep everything together. He would go back and forth, pretending to try to work things out, while actually continuing the affair. I'd find out he was still seeing her, and be crushed all over again. Finally, I thought, wait, why am I beating my head against this tree? I've been unhappy for years now. If he gets rid of her, I'll be back to the same-old-same-old.... What's the point? And anyway, he'll just find a new one, and learn to hide it better. Screw it, let her keep him! When I finally really thought all that through, and made my decision, then out of the blue, he was desperate to get me back. He started doing everything he could think of. (He's a "caker," a have-your-cake-and-eat-it-too sort. He never actually expected me to file, but just tolerate it quietly until he got it out of his system) But it was way too late by then. Now, I realize, you don't have the infidelity issue in your situation. But what I'm saying is, once my mind was made up, it was REALLY made up. It was a done deal. The emotion was gone. No amount of promises or counseling or anything would do anything for me. And I will admit, that even now, even coming up to our settlement conference, my STBX has asked me if I think there's a chance that maybe someday, off in the future, even after the divorce, we might be able to get back together, and I, not wanting to completely lop him off at the knees, tell him, "Well, never say never...." But truthfully, it's not something I can imagine in a million years. So be careful of things your wife might be saying to you just because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings....

JoeeKay,

you have struck a chord here.... I was working out of state and came home for a visit when she told me she was done and wanted a divorce..." it was time", she said.

As I mentioned earlier, the disillusion was uncontested and we went our separate ways.... but now I have realized that there was someone else, even though she said there was not and though we remain friends (we were together for over 30 years) I know now that we never could have reconciled, no matter what I had done.

john

Sandy Said

"Don't do it! Divorce is the most painful process anyone should ever have to go through. It creates a wound that reopens time and time again. For the sake of the children find out what your wife feels she needs to make it work and get the love back..."

Oh Sandy, your words are as wise as they are beautiful. I have been considering divorce for years. I think my husband loves me very much, although we havent been together for years, and interact only as friends. I would love to be alone again, but I dont think its the same for him. I should have thought of this earlier. Thank you for your insight however; the last thing I want to do is to bring more suffering into this old world. With much love, JackieRodzinski TheInquiringEye

You are such a romantic Jackie Rodzinski.