I have to agree with you Ruby, if you do not put yourself out there you will never find what you are looking for. Getting hurt sucks but with it you learn and you move move forward and with any luck you find what you desire. Those that hide in a cave are destined to always be in darkness and alone.

many people have "hang ups". i think it has a lot to do with how the person was raised and grew up. religion is another culprit for that, too, and so is their past experiences, of course.

it's not really fun to have sex with women (or in case of women, to have sex with men) with hang ups or a relationship, as they just can't get lost in passion and enjoy it, all the while this cloud is hovering over those people's minds.

i hope i am not too far off, but i think she needs a shrink.

Those who risk nothing.... reap no rewards!

Some people take risks too often, some not enough. Depending on the situation, risks can be good. But know who you are getting into bed with or you might regret it. Sometimes when you where your heart on your sleave it comes back in tatters. I find myself regretting more as I get older. Still I end up jumping in to the deep end and find it is not that deep. Communication is a good start, find out like and dislikes. But not all conversations cover needs and wants. This takes time and patience.

I think your friend is approaching a relationship from a "what I don't want" instead of "what I do want." This is the source of the mixed signals for men in many situations. I realize that involves trust, which may be central in your friend's reluctance. I think if she were straightforward with a guy, and if he was really interested in her, that would be fine. If he is not able to put up with her baggage, or if he just wants a piece of her ass, then he will be gone and she will be better off.

Like others have said, the possibility of getting hurt again can really hinder some peoples ability to open up and trust another person again. That's pretty much human nature... to protect ourselves from that which we think is going to do us harm.

Having said that, if your friend believes that the only thing messing up all these potential relationships is having sex too early, then I think she may have her head in the sand a bit too far.

If the same thing keeps happening over and over again, chances are it's not just the sex that is the problem.... she seems to be the common denominator, right? It's not that there is anything she should change about herself per se, but perhaps she should look at her selection process for potential partners.

I agree that a person has to be able to put oneself out there to even have a hope of finding a partner.... it's just that not everyone is willing to accept the risk of being hurt and/or used again.

Great question Ruby!!!

I have a dear female friend that has made 5 bad choices in a row when it comes to men. I would think she would get it considering she has said to me many times. How come the best men are all married men lol.. She seems to have to have a man around but she is too impatient to wait for a good/right man for her. Regardless i wish her well in her search.I personally would rather just whore around personally instead of settle for less they you expect if you will.