From the original post: 2008-08-27 10:00:06.0 My now ex-wife pulled out of our marriage last year. I am moving on and things are going better. I have a... | ADVERTISEMENT  |
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From the original post: 2008-08-27 10:00:06.0 My now ex-wife pulled out of our marriage last year. I am moving on and things are going better. I have a... | ADVERTISEMENT |
Posted: Sep 5, 08 10:57pm
Dude,
lqrn's post is SPOT ON!
Read it.
Absorb it.
IncogAubie
Posted: Sep 6, 08 12:09am
I don't think you do get over it. It's always there regardless. Constant reminders, etc. Deal with it and let time get ya past it the best ya can.
Posted: Sep 6, 08 12:33am
Hey....Uncle Spencer, you are their dad, you did not divorce them. You will always worry about them. That is a good thing. Just stay in THEIR lives, no matter what. You divorced their MOM, not them. As long as you stay in their lives, you have nothing to feel guilty about.
Posted: Sep 6, 08 2:18am
There is no such thing as divorce,...simply a re-negoiation asto the nature of the relationship.
Posted: Sep 6, 08 7:14am
It's going on nine years for me. ljqrn made some very sound points. I tend to disagree with one idea that has been repeated in several comments, that the divorced marriage was a failure. If it produced your beautiful children, how can that be a failure? Everything has a beginning and and end. Marriage is no exception. Sometimes it ends with a death, sometimes with divorce. (Sad, both ways. With death, we get to have a funeral. People come to see the one left living to console. Divorce has no such closure. I think it should.) Elementary school ended. Was it a failure? High school ended. Was it a failure too? Some things might have happened there that will always be hurtful, but surely there was joy and growth. Divorce is not a picnic. Nor is recovering from one. We go on. We can find our joy. We can learn from our pain, and we can grow into more compassionate human beings from having had it. Or, we can dwell on negative thoughts and become bitter old farts. Embrace it all and seek higher ground.
Posted: Sep 6, 08 8:10am
feeling guilty about what it did to our family. How long does it take to get past the hurt or don't you ever?
It depends on you. It compares to a mourning period. Your children gauge their progress with it, on yours. If they see and feel you are still hurting, they will too.
The moment you realize that this failure was not yours alone and you can let go of the guilt, everything will naturally change for you.
Best wishes to you. M:)
Posted: Sep 6, 08 8:15am
It's going on nine years for me. ljqrn made some very sound points. I tend to disagree with one idea that has been repeated in several comments, that the divorced marriage was a failure. If it produced your beautiful children, how can that be a failure?
I did not read the replies. I need to add, I agree with Geee.
Even though I mentioned failure, only though, because it was mentioned as such.
When two people go their seperate ways, maybe that is growth, to realize it is better for all involved.