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This is not a cockfight! if the relationship is safe and sound, why on earth would someone look on the outside? Focusing on the other guy is like taking a cough suppressant when what's irritating your lungs is smoke from your burning house.

If your wife is unhappy in her marriage she should be talking to you about it , not some other guy. She needs to grow up. This is more about how she feels about her self than how she feels about you. She needs to realize that. And do something about it.

Exclusivity is in the eye of the beholders. When the two of you agree that you will be exclusive, you are exclusive. If one breaks the commitment, you aren't exclusive anymore! The terms of exclusivity are up to you. My rules wouldn't work for you and yours wouldn't work for me. The two of you should stop arguing over nonsense and decide: Do you want a relationship or not? It is that simple. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to make a relationship work.

I checked out this link and it's really insightful. I guess you have to buy the book to read what the solutions offered are and to decide whether or not they make sense.

The only comment I'd make is that the pattern described applies almost as well to males, with some minor differences.

The stereotype is that males cheat strictly for sex, conquest, variety, whatever, and that women cheat for romance, intimacy and the feeling of being in love. But I've known a number of women who've cheated for the "male" reasons, and a number of men who've cheated for the "female" reasons. The chemical high of being in love is just as powerful and just as addictive for males as it is for females.

LynneAnne, if you read the book, would you care to share any of the proposed solutions?

Well Bill, when someone opens or starts a statement with "She blames me because when we..." that's a "justification statement", meaning, "I did it because you did it."

As we all know that follows the old adage, "If your friends jumped off a cliff, does that men you will jump off the cliff too?" Couple that with "I'd really like to hear other peoples thoughts?" seems to indicate that you are looking for "justification for your possible retaliation actions."

Thus, "the TBD jury has weighed in on this and therefore the verdict for your punishment is..."

There is a proverb for this... "You must first dig two graves before you set out for revenge."

Think about it, 27 years, we're not talking a couple of years, we're talking about 27 years. If there has been an affair for 8 months and you "just found out", this would indicate that it is/was something that you were not meant to know about. I do realize that this sounds like a harsh observation, but I'm only repeated your words.

"Found out" is different than you saying "My wife came to me about an affair and she told me it was a mistake and it's over." I mean correct me if I'm wrong because I don't want to put words in your mouth, but you weren't meant to find this out.

SUMMARY

While we all here have a different take on this and an opinion base on our own experiences and relationships, you are the only one that holds the true answer of, to forgive and move with your 27 years of marriage, or not to forgive and move on with your life.

I'm not your judge and neither am I your jury. We are all just observers of what you are telling us.

~Jonathan~

If you didn't discuss being eexclusive and agree on it, I say you did no wrong. Sex is not a commitment. I think something else is bugging her

I've already done that the first week I got all of my assests assigned to my daughter and also have a will assigning my share of the house and have already planned to keep working for few years longer while so she can not get at my retirement (civil service)or health benefits.