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I'm going through that now. I've recently started dating a younger man. We have so much in common, & the sex is great. But sometimes he seems cool & detached. This makes me feel so confused & insecure. We both agreed from the start the neither of us were looking for marriage, but I would at least like to feel important in his life. I have never felt that age mattered between men & women. I once dated a man 20 years older than me, who I was crazy about. I have been called a cougar recently, and I'm finding it rather hurtful these days.

Wow, you guys are great! I really enjoyed reading all the posts and it's nice to connect with women and discover that we all have similar ideas about what we want from relationships - regardless of age.

Oh, and you guys -- I'm not forgetting you. I think there are some really enlightened men here :)

Happy weekend!!

I lived in San Francisco for 25 years, and as you may already know the ratio of men to women there is already in men’s favor, plus when you add that 25% of the male population are gay, this created a horrible environment for women, but a great one for me (smile).

I never had a preference for older or younger, but in such an environment I met many professional women who were 10 and even 30 years my senior.

These women had very active careers, who had been married once or twice, and did not have the time, or inclination, to seek out another long-term partner.

However being women they felt that their lives were not complete without a true Lover or Life Partner, however that is always easier to say, than to actually find.

So for several women, over the years they were waiting for a real boyfriend, I became the in between boyfriend-boyfriend.

It worked out for me wonderfully, and for them as well for they could call me at a moments notice and we could spend the weekend together while they were in town making love, wine, sushi and old B&W Movies.

Sexually the biggest difference between older women and younger was that older women have gone through the crucible of their own sexuality, meaning that they understood what they wanted, how to ask for it, and were not afraid of the implications of their desire (whatever their tastes were) anymore.

I loved every one of them, but I enjoyed my freedom and had no desire to settle down, nor did they have the slightest intention of making me a permanent part of their lives.

I was just a starving artist with a low-level job that paid for my paints, and many of these ladies were making six figures.

They needed a man who was at least their equal socially, in age and close to it in class and income, not because they were limited by such things, but the desire to have someone who represented a real “catch” was necessary for egoic reasons, for reasons of self-valuation, so that they could feel like they had been, shall we say, “acquired” by a man of value equal to their own in their eyes.

I understood this, indeed it was even explained to me in no uncertain terms, on several occasions.

Going out to places in public was difficult for the more older ladies, they were terribly afraid of someone who knew them would see them with me, but in private they were wonderful lovers, and so erotic, needless to say I am still in contact with many of them over the years and I miss them and those times.

Take care all,

Blanchjoe

Absolutely YES.

Why? Because most men (and, for that matter, most women!) my age or older are set in their ways, no longer either ambitious or adventurous. I believe, to the contrary, that "the day you stop learning is the day you start dying."

I am currently married to a wonderful man 15 years my junior. We celebrate our 8th anniversary next weekend :-D

My husband (15 years younger, and has been attracted to women in their 40s and 50s since his teens) says you are SO wrong! For him at least, the sex is incidental (alas, lol!). For him, it's about self-confidence: knowing what she wants in both love and career and not being afraid to go after it.

Very good question....I have to say yes. Not younger by decades mind you but 5 or 6 years younger very definitely. I find that men in their 40's are out of the "puppy stage" and really know the score, in more ways than one. I have had very satisfying conversations (cough, cough) with slightly younger men.

You are lucky! Your hubby is one of the few enlightened younger men who realize we older ladies have more to offer than a good roll in the hay. And yes, agree, it's all about the self confidence that comes from having traveled many highways.