The books were written. They are about Enabling. Another one would be Letting Go. Parents who continued baliling out their troubled grown children, never allow them to grow up and become responsible.

My friend's wife died, leaving him with four special needs, adopted children under the age of 13. My friend did need help, and allowed his 47 year old daughter and her husband to come live with him. The father feels that this daughter will have to take care of the children, if anything happens to him. The husband has some disabilities, and daughter quit her job to live with her father. The daughter feels that her father owes her a house, and the father has promised to leave the daughter his home when he dies. The father has even said, if he could, he would give her and her husband the house and he and I would get in his RV to travel around the country. The daughter believes the house belongs to her now, and pressures her father to turn his other affairs over to her. The daughter has many bills, and has recently filed for bankruptcy. The daughter is abusive to the children and has expressed that she can not handle the children. She does not do housework, can not cook very well and generally gets on her father's nerves. Her husband does all the work. The daughter only goes shopping, and spends too much money. He constantly complains about her, and suffers dizziness, and nausea from the stress of dealing with her. He stays at my house, or away from his home, and can not sleep the entire night in his own house. He only gets a good night sleep with me. I do love this man, and believe that if I were not with him he would be dead by now. I do not plan a future with this man because of his problems with his grown daughter. It is like I am dealing with a married man. I don't know how to break off the relationship, and mostly don't want too, but know it is fruitless.

I think the best advice I can give is to offer suggestions but don't expect that any will be taken. An adult is an independent human being supposedly able to care for him or herself. Give all the love and encouragement you can but the mistakes they make need to be made to learn about life. Life is all about self-taught lessons, not parents treating their offspring like kids forever. If the kids screw up, they can fix it.

We are always a safety net but we have to be wise enough to know when not to lay it out as well as when to do so.

My wife had a mother whose life motto was: "If I have but one life to live, let it be yours." I spent many years checkmating her efforts to do just that.

I offer my son advice when he asks for it and sometimes when he doesn't, But he is now 38 and living his life to his expectations, not mine. If he cares to use any of what I learned or believe, wonderful but it will be his choice, not mine. He has headaches in his life like every adult and he resolves his issues ... or not, just like we do.

My daughter is 27 and is always in debt. She also chooses men who are always broke. She acts as if she doesn't care about her future; financial, children, etc. I worry and feel helpless. Anyone have any wise words of advice?