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I've had an off and on again relationship with a gentleman for two years now. He will suddenly go silent - not return a call or e-mails - sometimes several days will go by. He says that when gets stressed at work and home he become reticent. Then he expects me to be fine. It's one thing to need time to cope with things, but let the other person know. In another post, some gentleman said, "Silence is the worst kind of noise." I couldn't agree more. Ignoring someone is akin to indifference in some ways. At least from my vantage point. I'm most certainly not the "smothering" type, so for crying out loud, send an e-mail saying you need a little space. Perhaps I'll start ignoring him to see how it makes him feel. Nah - two wrongs don't make a right. Sure fire way to hurt my feelings... ignore me!

yes lassmn, i feel the same way - when i'm ignored i feel he is indifferent to me and that i am the only one having thoughts of him all day long and it makes me think i need to let him go before he lets me go - but then that would be playing games so i feel like i can't win on this one.

Yes, I often think about the preemptive strike. We're on and off again, I get angry and hurt, then I'm right back in his arms again. I'm not an idiot, but with this gentleman I sure act like one. I must say the Serenity Prayer ten times a day - not working yet. One day, I won't be there when he comes sauntering back in.

It would be nice to have the strength to not being there when he comes sauntering back in wouldn't it.

I think we let our brain interfere too much sometimes we think too much when the answer is simple.... and may have nothing to do with us. Knowing how much the person you are talking about is into you... I don't think he would get out of you without letting you know that he was not as into you... he seems kind, nice and honest in all his posts etc...

SO the solution sometimes think less and feel less and relax and breath more!

I think you are right SusieQ - i am just so needy from coming out of a bad marriage and i question everything and instead just need to sit back and enjoy what i have. I'm not looking to get married or move in with anyone - i just want to be loved, feel loved and love.

This is a piece of an email from my guy that proves i am just overthinking and guessing at his feelings. I think he did a great job of reassuring me and I think I'm lucky to have found someone so wonderful.

Kat, when we first started talking, we didn't just "click" we were completely connected. I have never had the kind of instant connection we had. Our meetings were so amazing and I felt like we could say anything to each other. The romance was intoxicating. I wish I could paint a better picture of what I feel. The initial excitement is still there for me. I still close my eyes and see you next to me and it is so real I can smell you. There is no doubt that our separation makes a difference. The phone and emails aren't the same as touching and looking into each others eyes. It's hard to maintain the intimacy that we have together when we can't play and kiss. And no Kat......there is no reason for you to not feel like a teenager again! That wonderful feeling is not tied to age.....only to your heart. I still feel that way when I talk to you and I get excited when I get a new email from you. Again......I wish I was better at expressing what's inside. There is no doubt that I keep myself at a distance emotionally. I always have. I have no idea why I do that when I have these feelings, but I guess it's who I am.

Oh baby......if you need to pull back from me I will understand. But please don't put up a wall like me. You are too young and you are too wonderful to shut yourself off. I will agree that we talked more in the beginning but a lot of my not calling as much has been due to my increased work load. I have been doing all I can to not slip into my usual tactic of withdrawing completely from everything. Once again, my inability to tell you what I'm thinking has screwed everything up. With all of the bullshit in our lives, I can't possibly envision how our story will play out. And honestly Kat.........I don't want to think about it. I just want to think of holding you and how I feel when I think of you. If that is wrong, then I will forever let you down. I don't know what else to do. No matter how we turn out.....you will always be more than just a special friend Kat. You literally gave me life again. I will never "break up" with you. If you move past me.........I'll still be here to serve as a place you can come and feel loved. That will never change. I will never NOT love you.

I wish I could do a better job of loving you Kat. You deserve so much more. I love you too, *******

If he minds me sharing this i will delete it immediately - i posted it not only to show you all that i was wrong but that a lot of us ladies might be assuming the worst when we don't hear from a guy when we expect to.

It goes to show us something we start off good and humans mess us up... the last relationship, the relationship 3 guys ago...

I love that you emailed him and asked.. it is the right thing to do and the only way to get an answer, we may not always want the answer but it gets us one...

All of us are different and have our own foibles with different aspects of our relationship. I know I like to be reassured too but I have learned over the years to look at actions not words see how people react to you... see what they do to help determine the measure of a person.