The Rare Truth About Penis Size:

How to Make The Most of What You've Got, And How Best To Please Women With It

MichaelCastleman

Posted: Nov 13, 06 7:11pm

"Men are obsessed with penis size," says Palo Alto, California, sex therapist Marty Klein, Ph.D, "During more than 20 years as a therapist, male clients have raised the issue so many times, I've lost count." No wonder that expensive�and useless�offers for extra inches fill email inboxes.

Some years ago, a men's magazine surveyed 1,000 men about their size. Almost every respondent said he was too small and wished he were larger.

Many men are utterly convinced that it takes a large penis to please a woman. Some women prefer men with a particular penis size (large or small), just as some men have preferences about women's breasts. But there isn't much connection to a man's size and the sexual pleasure his lover can experience. "It's sad," Klein explains, "how few men understand this. Any size penis can bring great pleasure to the man it's attached to. As for women's pleasure, it usually doesn't have all that much to do with the man's penis or how he uses it. Women's pleasure usually has more to do with how the man uses his hands and tongue."

The Vast Majority: Average

How many guys are noticeably smaller than average? "At most, 5 percent," says Baltimore urologist James Smolev, M.D., who has seen thousands of penises up close during more than 30 years of practice.

How many are noticeably larger? "Maybe 10 percent," Dr. Smolev says. And how many are truly huge? "Very, very few. The vast majority of men are average, or a little bigger or smaller. In my entire career, I recall only a few guys I'd call really enormous."

Why Most Men Think They're Too Small

Where do average-size men get the idea they're too small? "From pornography," explains Richard Pacheco, a male porn star of the 1970s, now retired. "The men in porn are a self-selecting group. Only the guys with the biggest penises audition, and of those, the directors select the largest."

The only penises heterosexual men get to see really up close�other than their own-�are the ones in x-rated media. They really are significantly larger than the vast majority of men. Porn penises are the standard against which men judge themselves, and that standard is seriously skewed toward Goliaths. As a result, all the Davids of the world are justified in believing that they're "small."

In addition, men look down on their own penises from above, which makes them look even smaller, Pacheco explains. But they view porn penises from other angles: "So many of the penis shots are photographed up from underneath. That makes any penis look big."

Size: For the Record

According to urology textbooks, the average flaccid penis measures 3 to 4 inches in length, but this is a rather "soft" figure, as it were, because it depends on several factors. Most men notice that the size and hang of their penises vary. Sometimes they look shriveled, other times larger and better hung. More on this later. Flaccid size also depends on how much you stretch your organ while measuring it (most men pull hard), and where you measure from�medical sources measure from the base of the top of the penis where it attaches to the lower abdomen. As for the erections, they typically measure from 5 to 7 inches.

Flaccid size has nothing to do with erection size, says Martin J. Resnick, professor of urology at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland. It's quite possible to have a flaccid penis on the small side, but a 7-inch erection. In general, the smaller the flaccid penis, the more length and girth it gains in erection.

Racial Differences?

In male folklore, a great deal is made of racial differences in penis size. Black men are reputed to be larger than whites, and Asian men are supposedly smaller. The experts consulted for this report generally concurred with these stereotypes, but insisted that racial characteristics take a back seat to individual differences. "I've seen penises bigger and smaller than average in men of every race," says New York City sex educator Betty Dodson, Ph.D.

Natural Ways to Make the Most of What You've Got

Whether flaccid or erect, penis size depends on the amount of blood that enters the organ through the pudendal arteries, and the amount contained in the penis' central corpus cavernosa, the spongy tissues that fill with extra blood during erection. Many things can affect penile blood supply:

Eat a Low-Fat Diet

No doubt you're familiar with exhortations to eat a low-fat diet to prevent heart disease. Maybe more men would heed this advice if the American Heart Association added that a low-fat diet also helps penis size. A diet high in fat, particularly animal (saturated) fat, raises cholesterol, which narrows the arteries, including the ones that carry blood into the penis. As these arteries narrow, less blood gets in there, and the penis shrinks.

Quit Smoking

If you need another reason to quit, smoking accelerates arterial narrowing, which is why smokers are at high risk for heart disease. Cigarettes hit men below the belt as well, limiting blood flow into the penis.

Embrace a Relaxation Regimen

The pudendal arteries are surrounded by smooth muscle tissue. When men feel anxious, explains Bloomfield Hills, Michigan sex therapist Dennis Sugrue, Ph.D., a past president of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT), this muscle tissue constricts, limiting blood flow into the penis. But as men relax, this muscle tissue also relaxes, allowing increased inflow. (Viagra and other erection drugs work by relaxing this muscle tissue.)

In addition, anxiety triggers the "fight or flight" response. This reflex sends blood away from the central body, including the penis, and out toward the limbs for escape or self-defense. But as men relax, more blood becomes available to the penis. "When men become distressed about their size," Klein says, "the anxiety may contribute to penis shrinkage. If you want to be all you can be, relax, and stop worrying about it."

Warm Penis, Larger Penis

You've probably noticed that in chilly locker rooms, your penis seems to shrink and your scrotum hugs your body tightly. But after a hot shower, your penis looks larger and your scrotum hangs much lower. Warmth is relaxing, Resnick explains, which increases blood flow into the penis and encourages the scrotum to relax and hang lower.

Cultivate a Comfortable, Committed Relationship

Sure, flings can be fun and new relationships are exciting. But they also involve intimacy with women you don't know very well, if at all. That can produce anxiety. A familiar lover may not be as exciting as a new one, but familiarity allows you and your penis to relax, which helps your organ look its largest.

In addition to increasing blood flow into the penis, here are two other size-enhancing suggestions:

Lose Weight

"When a man has a big gut," Sugrue explains, "excess fat tissue encroaches on the base of his penis, which makes it look smaller. Lose the abdominal fat pad, and you look larger."

Exercise Regularly

Working out is fundamental to weight control. But exercising the penis itelf doesn't help. The sex media sometimes refer to the penis as the "love muscle," which implies that like the biceps, certain exercises can buff it up. "The penis contains muscle tissue," Klein explains, "but there are different kinds of muscle. The penis contains smooth muscle tissue. That's not the kind that gets bigger with exercise."

Try a Pubic Haircut

"When less of the penis is obscured by hair," Sugrue explains. "it looks a little larger."

Jelqing?

Jelqing is supposedly an ancient Middle Eastern penis-enlargement technique. But none of the standard works on the history of sex mention it. Jelqing involves making an "OK" sign with the thumb and index finger around the semi-erect penis, and then pulling the organ 200 to 500 strokes a day using a rhythmic milking motion. On some Internet sites, men make extravagant claims of extra inches. But jelqing is very similar to the way many men masturbate. Has masturbation boosted your size? Forget jelqing. It does not work.

C-Rings

If you enjoy playing with sex toys, two devices may temporarily boost your erection size�C-rings (also known as cock rings) and vacuum constricting devices, generally known as penis pumps.

C-rings are rubber or leather donut-shaped devices that tightly encircle the erect penis. (Some come with straps that also encircle the scrotum.) Typically used to help maintain erection, they may also provide a small, temporary size boost. But don't expect miracles.

Some men think of the penis as a balloon, filled with blood when erect, and empty when flaccid. This is incorrect. Blood circulates in and out of the penis all the time, when it's flaccid and erect. The arteries that carry blood into the penis run through the center of the organ, so during erection, as blood fills the penis' spongy erectile tissues, a C-ring doesn't keep blood out. However, one of the two veins that carry blood out of the penis, the superficial dorsal vein, runs close to the organ's outer skin (on top). As the penis expands in erection, both the superficial and deep penile veins naturally get somewhat compressed, which restricts blood outflow and contributes to blood pooling and erection. A C-ring restricts outflow a bit more by compressing this superficial vein. The net effect is somewhat greater blood build-up in the penis, and a slightly larger, firmer erection. Just bear in mind that any effect is modest.

There are two kinds of C-rings, adjustable and not. If you're at all concerned about damaging your penis�bruising is possible from a ring that's too tight�use an adjustable ring. "Some guys swear by C-rings," Dodson observes. "Others say they do little, if anything." If you'd like to try a C-ring, they're available at sex shops and through sex toy catalogs.

Penis Pumps

Penis pumps create a partial vacuum that draws blood into the organ, resulting in temporary size enhancement. They were invented decades before erection medication became available, not as sex toys, but as therapeutic devices designed to produce temporary erections in men who otherwise couldn't raise them. Once a pump has raised an erection, users roll on a constriction band similar to a C-ring to help maintain turgidity. "For temporary erection," Smolev explains, "vacuum devices are reliable, safe, and effective, and usually produce good results."

Even if your penis has no trouble becoming erect, pumps can be used for temporary size enhancement. Models differ, but all include a plastic tube that fits over the penis, fitted with a pump operated by a hand bulb. You squeeze the bulb, which evacuates the air from the plastic tube, drawing blood into the penis. Just remember, the effect is temporary. It also depends on the tightness of the seal created where the tube meets the base of the penis. Sex toy pumps may not create a tight seal. Prescription pumps available through urologists work better.

Surgical Enhancement: Don't

You might see the ad in the Sports Section of you newspaper: "Give Yourself a Major Confidence Boost: Penis Lengthening and Girth Enlargement" with a urologist's contact information. Surgical enlargement might boost your self-esteem. Then again, it might also destroy it.

Two surgical approaches are available. The more popular is penis lengthening. It's based on the fact that you have more penis than what hangs between your legs. The penis also extends into the lower abdomen. The internal penis is held in there by the penile suspensatory ligament. Cut this ligament, and much of the internal penis emerges from the lower abdomen, adding about an inch to the external penis' length.

But cutting this ligament also has a significant downside. The suspensatory ligament is what makes erections stand up. A surgically lengthened penis still becomes firm during erection, but it no longer salutes. Instead, it hangs down between your legs, requiring you or your lover to direct it by hand into erotic openings.

The other surgical option is girth enhancement. This is a two-step procedure involving fat removal (liposuction) from the buttocks, then re-injection of that fat under the penile skin. The before and after pictures offered by urologists who perform this procedure show pencils transformed into bratwurst. But again, there are downsides. The fat injections may not "take," meaning you've wasted your money. In addition, they may take unevenly, producing a lumpy, mutant-looking organ.

The Web sites of urologists who perform penile enlargement surgery gush with testimonials. But Resnick said the procedures are "not recommended. Infection and deformity are possible." Smolev was even more emphatic: "Any surgery to lengthen or thicken the penis should be outlawed." And the Web site of a prominent penis-enlargement surgeon warns that many urologists who perform penis enlargement "lack the skills needed to produce good results.....A large part of [this doctor's] practice involves repairing the numerous men damaged by [other] surgeons."

If you're interested in surgery, surgeons typically charge about $5,000 for lengthening and $6,000 for girth enhancement, plus airfare, hotel, and food for several days. Lengthening comes first, then six to 12 months later, girth enhancement. Figure up to $15,000 for the full monty�all out of pocket. Insurers don't pay for penis enlargement.

"You couldn't pay me to have my penis surgically altered," Klein says. "The horror stories I've heard are horrendous."

There is, however, one type of minor surgery that's quick and safe and can make the penis look larger, Smolev explains: "Liposuction of the suprapubic area." That's the fat pad in the lower abdomen above the penis. "If you eliminate suprapubic fat, the penis looks bigger."

The Downside of a Big One

Most men want larger penises, but ironically, the tiny group with phone polls in their jeans often wish they were smaller. "This may come as a shock to men," says Southern California sex therapist Patti Britton, Ph.D., past president of the Foundation for the Scientific Study of Sexuality, "but many women are afraid of really big penises. A large penis can feel uncomfortable during intercourse and even hurt the woman."

"Every now and then," Dodson recalls, "I've talked with men who are really huge. I've shown women photographs of their penises. The women would ooh and ahh, but almost all said, 'No way I'd ever want that thing in me.' To a man, the huge men I've interviewed have said that having a huge penis brought them very little joy. It was more of a burden."

"Women are right," Klein says. "Men are too preoccupied with their penises. Some women may be into size, but I've counseled thousands of couples, and I can't recall any women ever raising it as an issue. Men hung up on penis size don't understand good sex. A penis�any size penis�can give the man it's attached to great pleasure. But the best way to impress women in bed is to find creative ways to give them pleasure without using your penis. Only 25 percent of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation with a hand, a toy, or a tongue."

"There's nothing worse," says Dodson, "than a big penis on a guy who thinks size is everything. Sex with a guy like that is a nightmare. He plunges in before the woman is ready. The sex often hurts. Personally, I'd rather make love with a guy on the small side who knows how to use his tongue on my clitoris than a guy with a huge penis who thinks stuffing that turkey inside me is all there is to sex."

Using It Well�No Matter What Your Size

In an old blues song, a woman sings: "It ain't the meat, it's the motion/ That makes your momma wanna rock./ It ain't the meat, it's the motion./ It's the movement that gives it the sock."

Dodson prefers a tongue on her clitoris to a penis in her vagina. But she also appreciates the closeness and intimacy of vaginal intercourse. She just wishes men were gentler, more patient, and developed a better sense of slow, sensual rhythm. Here are her suggestions for skillful use of what's between your legs:

* Don't plunge in the moment a woman spreads her legs. Go slow. Give her time to warm up to intercourse. "It takes a good 20 minutes of fooling around for my vagina to relax enough to accept an erection comfortably."

* Use a commercial sexual lubricant. "A good lover always uses lube. Spread some on the penis and around the vaginal opening. Lube makes intercourse so much more comfortable."

* Enter slowly. "Most men push in too quickly. I've always preferred to be on top. That way I have more control of the speed and depth of insertion. In my experience, most women share that preference."

* Don't push in deep right away. "The most erotically sensitive part of the vagina is the lips. Use the head of your penis to tease her lips. Then run it up her vulva to her clitoris. And even after you've gone deep, pull out and tease her lips more."

* Cultivate a rhythm. "Don't pump in and out furiously like the men in pornography. Develop a slow, sensual rhythm. Talk about the kind of rhythm the woman likes. Some like in and out, but many prefer a slow grind around in circles, or a combination of in-out and circular movement."

* It ain't the meat, it's the clitoris. "I wish men would get over their preoccupation with penis size," Dodson says. "If you want to please a woman, focus on her clitoris. Fondle it gently, and especially lick it. That's much more enjoyable than feeling impaled on any size erection."

Positions to Play With

But with all due respect to the clitoris, many women enjoy the feeling of having a penis deeply filling their vaginas. "Some women love deep penetration because it makes them feel closer to the man," Britton says, "with a more intimate connection to him. And men like it because it makes them feel larger." The good news is that deep penetration depends less on penis size than on sexual position.

The standard man-on-top (missionary) position doesn't allow particularly deep penetration, Britton explains, but a few variations do. With a pillow under the woman's hips to raise her a bit, she bends her knees over her chest, then the man can kneel between her legs and enter her. Or he can hold her legs over her head.

The woman-on-top position allows the woman maximum freedom of movement. Many women enjoy this position best, Britton says. Encourage her to experiment with variations that give her a filled-up feeling.

Rear entry (doggie style) allows some of the deepest penetration. In this position, even an average-size penis can bang into the vaginal wall and hurt the woman. Enter slowly and be careful not to thrust too deeply. For an erotic variation, try this one with the woman standing and bent over the back of a sofa with you behind her.

Warning: For the few men with unusually large penises, deep penetration should be avoided because of the possibility of hurting the woman.

Make Peace with Your Penis

"It's a damn shame so many men feel inadequate because of their size," Dodson says. "I urge men to make peace with their penises. It's fine as it is. If you can enjoy what you've got, you'll be a happier lover, and chances are you'll enjoy better sex."

�Michael Castleman