Losing my religion

You're definitely not alone in this boat. I was raised a Jehovah's Witness but I never really felt my heart was in it, and I was never very good at at (or good enough, anyway). I've still got a pretty strong belief in some kind of diety, but I'm really not sure what. I don't really care for the label agnostic though; I still feel there's some unfathomable intelligence out there that we've placed into little boxes for our convenience and because it's bigger than we are. Lately I've gotten interested in Buddhism, since it seems to mesh with what I know about science better than other religions.

I don't think it was my own mortality so much that made me question what I'd been taught as it was just a slow realization that I'd grown out of those clothes and they were binding me now. Guilt? Oh yeah. I think that's inevitable because organized religion relies on guilt to maintain control. And there's sadness too. It's a loss of belonging to a community, even if you don't really fit in with them very well. I feel now like it's the constant search that matters, the constant questioning of the self and the external world, striving to be a better person, and to treat others well, to make the world a little better while I'm here. If that isn't a definition of worshipping God, I'm not sure what is.

I have a very deep and personal relationship with God and it helps bring meaning and purpose to my life every day. Although there are some days I get really pissed off at God. I am not arrogant enough to believe that it is the right path for everyone--just for me. No one holds the real truth and whatever you are wondering about, it is not wrong. Not all of us people of faith want you to follow our ways. These are your questions and your internal conflicts. I have found in many other discussions and posts, the tbd community has had many diverse ideas and suggestions. I'm assuming you'll get the same here and I hope they are helpful I also hope that where ever you find yourself in the end, it brings joy and peace to your heart.

I think that we lose faith only if we expect God to make our lives richer or safer or happier or provide us with what we pray for. If you look at God as the supreme power that holds together all the various and sundry forces and creatures in the universe, then you will not expect a personal God to be your butler, handmaiden, genii in a bottle or sherpa.

The world is better off for the existence of religion because, at its best, it brings people together under a system of common beliefs that make life less lonely. It is the support of a belief system and the people in it that allow us to get through the tough times. Whether you believe in a round yon virgin or a guy in a white robe with a long beard, it matters not. It seems that since the dawn of mankind, we, as a species, have had a need to believe in something rather than see ourselves as a lonely figure in a dark universe.

I firmly believe in God. I do not believe that God is my butler, handmaiden or genii in a bottle who, if I rub Him or Her the right way, I'll get riches, a movie star wife and a guaranteed pass to an afterlife with seventy two virgins and an endless supply of Dove Bars.

I believe that there is sense to the organization of the universe and that without some intelligent force, there would be no here. My God doesn't speak to Jimmy Swaggart or any of the "pass the loot" TV preachers. Nor, does He or She command followers to strap on bombs and try to kill my children and themselves.

I believe that my innate intelligence came from an organized way of creating man that passes the good stuff along. It wasn't invented by man. I believe that we were given free will to make choices good or bad and that there are consequences arising out of those choices. I also believe that the world was made out of a mix of chaos and rainbows and that part of our job as master of this planet (for now) is to minimize that chaos by electing not to add to it with our irrationality which lies just below the surface and by maximizing the rainbows by bringing some good to those with whom we have contact.

To sum it up into a tractate: God gave us our place on this earth, the capacity to invent tools for good or bad, the ability to empathies with others, possessing feelings that can lead us to positive or negative decisions. I take comfort in these things because I have free will to a greater degree than dogs or whales or snakes or snails. They live out a destiny that is completely encoded. When they see prey they have to act. When they see danger they are limited to the tools within their body. As humans we not only can manipulate our environment but we can raile at God and blame Him for our own deficiencies. Dogs (dog, by the way is the reverse spelling of God, if that means anything) can only do what dogs do and have no one to blame other than themselves - unless they are Snoopy!

In any case, relax. Enjoy life if it is enjoyable. If it is not, it's on you to improve it. Don't sit waiting for some deity to do it for you. You'll still be waiting when the ship sails.

Thanks a lot for the comment. I think you are absolutely right -- striving to be a better person is what helps us find meaning to all this. It's what helps us get closer to divinity, whatever that is.

Thanks for the tip about other ideas in the tbd community. I will certainly look for them.

Oh, it's not that I don't enjoy life because I've been questioning the existence of a supreme being. No, please, don't get me wrong.

If there's something I believe is in the energy of the cosmos and the nature around us. Whenever I feel hopeless, it only takes looking at a tree or the ocean, or, most importantly, the smile on my children's faces, that I think life is amazingly beautiful, no matter what is hidden in the backstage.

Darn, I like the "endless supply of Dove bars" part!

Milt, I think my view of God is pretty similar to yours, very like the Divine Watchmaker, but I'm more and more disillusioned with organized religion. So much of it seems to inspire the faithful to the opposite qualities they should be practicing, in the name of power, conformity, and social control. And as you point out, often that "personal god" is an excuse for a lack of personal responsibility. There have been some awful things done in the name of religion, as we all know. I used to say I was in it for God and not the people, but sometimes the people make it pretty impossible to stick around. I think that's what finally got me: the narrow mindedness.

On the other hand, most holy books are really good guides to decent, civilized behavior, if people people paid more attention to them and stopped focusing on ways to twist their message into one that gave them the upper hand.