If I Did It...

Posted: Sep 13, 07 9:05pm

Always the eternal optimist, I like to think that everyone has a unique contribution to make. In the case of O.J. Simpson most would point to his contribution on the football field (USC and as a Buffalo Bill). I think he had a more meaningful contribution to make than his record breaking 2100 yard rushing season.

Today, Oprah (whose choice of subject de jour carries more weight than the editor of the New York Times) opted to bring front and center an infamous literary work "If I Did It". Depending on your interpretation it is either a couched confession or a blatant attempt to capitalize on the tragedy of a double murder (or both).

Embracing my optimistic nature, I have decided to accept that O.J. has unwittingly stumbled/fumbled upon a healthy cathartic and empowering new art form; the half confession. Confession being good for the soul would be even sweeter if you can cut out that annoying accountability piece. Akin to the amphibian (one leg in water the other on land). This unique tactic allows the guilty the advantages of purging their soul and confessing their transgression, while owning plausible deniability by invoking the new power word "If".

The last power word that was just two letters was "Is" as articulated by William Jefferson Clinton in his testimony before the Arkansas Bar. The now famous and oft quoted..."it depends on your definition of Is". Oh but I digress, back to the liberating method at hand.

Conflicted by his being found not-guilty in a criminal court and liable in a civil court, O.J. has struggled to find the right venue/church/pew or confessional booth to purge himself of his soul-chains. While America grapples with how to embrace/shun or ignore this literary work, we are missing the real gift here.

O.J. has shown us the path to benefits without costs. This is a clever tip toe shortcut through redemption recycle process (you know, get on bended knee, confess, express your lack of worthiness, beg forgiveness, atone and receive the fresh slate (rinse, lather, repeat). The ex-trojan has found a way to release his pain and yet be able to retract his confessional as needed....WOW!

So, here you go, armed with this fail-safe tool...tell your fellow TeeBeeDee'ers what you Did, How you Did It, of course with the caveat... "If You Did It:! I'll go first...

Hey Mom, when you asked me about the dent in your car and I said "I dunno" I may have been guilty of a white lie. If I Did It, I may have snuck the keys out of your purse when I knew you were going out with some friends and took the Oldsmobile for a few laps around the block. When I came home (If I Did It) I may have caught the mailbox on the back left panel.

Wow everyone, I feel better.

Oh and Mom, that is only a theorical confession.

Will This Hurt or Heal