Is there a friendly society anywhere?

I've run into this too in my hometown of Atlanta, where we brag about how friendly we are! From my experience, you just need to give your neighbors more time to warm up.

Socializing with people from interest groups, church, volunteer or work will help any feelings of rejection or dissappointment.

This is a topic near to my heart. I have lived in other countries and in many parts of the United States and it concerns me that US Americans are so busy filling their lives with activities, that they miss out on close bonds of friendship. In Germany one can sit in a coffee shop, read the paper and meet with friends and people actually have time to chat. In the US one has to schedule such a meeting weeks in advance and even then the meeting is broken up early by one party or the other announcing that s/he only has 20 minutes because ...blah,blah blah,... In Germany, if you visit a person at home, this person will usually go out of the way to be hospitable, serve food or lunch and even include the guest in activities if something was planned.

My sense is that we don't put people first in our (US) culture - we put work and activities first. In my opinion it seems to be worse in larger metropolitan areas. I have felt most accepted and made a part of the community by farmers in rural areas (a group that is very differe3nt from my own socio-economic origins), but even in the large Cities in Germany there is a larger sense of community that I have not experienced in larger US cities.

I really think is is time for a shake up (down) culturally. We fill our children's lives with activities such that they think there is something wrong if every minute isn't filled and structured. We worry about wasted time and won't suffer spending time listening to others with whom we disagree. We barely interact. The idea that one would go for a walk to just chat or think rather than strengthen the heart, or lose weight is foreign to us these days. This worries me greatly.

I know the feeling. My last home was our starter home in a less than upscale neighborhood. We had very good relationships with some of the neighbors and some were passed out in their lawn due to what they valued the night before. Kind of funny and kind of sad. We decided that our children shouldn't be raised in an atmosphere quite like that. We sold and moved up, in a way to a neighborhood with sidewalks, strict rules, an annual cover charge and newer homes that all faced the same direction, toward the street, unlike the old place, it was a free for all and some homes were complete eyesores.

The neighbors around me now are quite interesting. Very, very snooty as if they'll live forever. There's lots of keeping up with the Joneses, yelling at kids to stay off lawns and just a general feeling of coldness toward one another.

I actually could give a rats behind as I don't really feel the need for people like that anyway. On the upside, nobody is ever laying in a puddle of vomit on the front lawn. Gotta take the good with the bad.

I'm nice to them anyway and never make an attempt to get together with any of them except a few who like myself know that the days are numbered and not in our favor.. I will not protect my lawn. I would rather value people and use things rather than the other way around. The grass, like magic just grows back. And if it don't grass seed is cheap.

From Los Angeles, I moved to Prescott, AZ ("Everybody's Home Town") about 10 years ago. When I first started traveling about town, the smiles and nods I received from everyone made me nervous!

When I moved in my first house here, the neighbors at least stopped to speak, and I actually learned a few people's names. However, nothing much else happened. As you mentioned, there were the mentions of lunches together, coming over for coffee, but nothing materialized. Working against me was the fact that I live in a housing development built around a golf course, and I seemed to be one of the few who does not play golf.

I decided to do something about the situation. Since I love to read and missed my CA book group, I started one in the development. We have something in common and getting together in each other's homes broke down the "stranger barrier" and opened up further get-togethers which sometimes include spouses. My friend across town (whom I met via a women's computer users group) started a monthly lunch-out in her neighborhood, which she said led to additional socializing.

I am sorry that it is like that there and other places as well where it takes a long time to get to know the ones around you. We are very fortunate here where we live at just a few houses and we are close with our neighbors across the street from us and we do get together with them sometimes. It is hard however with work and school and all to find the time to get together but sometimes need to just settle down and take the time for friends. Life is too short and we do get too busy, be good for all of us to slow down some. This you have here was an interesting topic here. I guess I really didnt realize how good I have it here with good neighbors . I wish it would be like that for everyone that they would have as good of neighbors as I do. I wish that I knew more what to say.

You have just said it all here. So true. Thanks for sharing this with us.

As a resident of northern New Jersey, I can, with reasonable confidence, tell you that it's the "neck of the woods." I have lived here most of my life and, for better or for worse, that seems to be the way it is. We generally prefer it that way.

Even in the suburbs up here, things are fairly crowded. Paradoxically, perhaps, nothing is close by so to get anywhere, you have to pile into your car, which means that schedules are tight (especially with kids) and folks just don't have the time to socialize. This is the land of the play-date! Not only that but many of us work in New York City (New York City !!??!!), where folks are always in a hurry and always bumping into someone (literally). When we get home, we're too damned tired and harried foir company (at least right away).

Relax. Eventually you will end up learning more about your neighbors than you want. You will also find one thing about this part of the country. We may be rude. We may always be in a hurry. But if you ever get into trouble, nobody, but nobody, will help you out faster or better than we will up here. (Well, most of us, anyway)

I'm not sure where you came from but it can be a culture shock. Some folks never get used to it. I was brought up here (although I have lived in a number of geographical areas) so it doesn't faze me. Roll with it. Like I said, soon enough, you'll find your niche.