Posted: Apr 23, 08
4:30pm
I should have responded to the
article appearing on page ONE of The New York Times (ohmygodohmygodohmygod) four days ago, the day it was printed. In our age of instant communication this would make sense. The article that talked about DivorcingDaze. The article that quoted me. For Pete’s sake. Page ONE.
However, I was shell-shocked. Scared. Embarrassed. I wanted to run away and hide. Ironically, I was experiencing the same emotions that scarred my soul five very long years ago after reading X’s Blackberry. Said New York Times article was headlined “When the Ex Blogs, the Dirtiest Laundry Is Aired”. And I felt dirty all over again. Comments screamed “narcissism,” “ bad parenting,” “sick society” and so on.
Hmmmmmm.
Humans have a need to communicate. At least this human does. I pod to bond. To connect. To share. To help. To feel. What we talk about in our podcast, I’ve discovered, is pretty commonplace. It comes back to us in comments, emails, even “thank yous.” And then I feel human again.
Humans are these funny creatures who like to dissect topics blow-by-blow. In our traditional male dominated media, we will over analyze a political race, a game of football, the cost of a barrel of oil all to the nth degree. But what about affairs of the heart? So little airtime and newsprint is devoted to the truly important topics that affect our lives in the most intimate ways. The real life stuff that happens in our homes. In our families. It’s easy to criticize women who blog or podcast about their lives as useless, self-centered, even dangerous. But if what we do gets people talking about their feelings and feeling better for it, how can that be bad? Washington and Wall Street, take note.
The internet changes the power of “the voice.” It gives the power to everyone. Anyone. To women. Even to me. But more importantly, there is an audience for what these women (me) have to say. Or more accurately, have to feel.
As the reporter noted in her article, the Judge acknowledged DivorcingDaze may not be the best thing for co-parenting. I think the Judge is correct, because X sure is angry at me about this. But most things I do make him mad. Like when I read his blackberry that fateful day. Talking to X’s soulmate’s husband: Very Mad. The day I accepted an invitation to visit his father and step-mother with our children: Mad. Asking for his flight information when taking our children to Florida: Mad. Breathing air: Mad. (get the picture here?) So if the Judge really knew what went on in real life in the last five years she might have to rule that my being alive is ill-advised for successful co-parenting.
So should I cease and desist in an attempt to appease and placate X? I’ve come close to it. In fact, when I discovered that he discovered DivorcingDaze I took everything down. I was afraid of him. Afraid of his anger. But then I remembered, I’m not married anymore. And his anger should no longer be able to control me. And the podcasts went back up.
The worst thing I’ve said about X in DivorcingDaze is that he lied and cheated. Is it unfair for me to talk about the emotional fall-out when someone cheats and lies? We live in such an imperfect world. It is important to ask the right questions.
So after more contemplation, I’d like to continue with DivorcingDaze. It serves a purpose, people like it, they find it helpful. Hopeful. Sometimes entertaining. And that makes me feel good. It’s just like algebra. If I feel good, I am a better parent. Even a better co-parent. And I think we can all agree a happy mama makes for two very happy children.
I am proud of DivorcingDaze. I am proud of our listeners and of the people who write us. Who connect with us. I am proud of what I have become. And of what I do.
Hibernating all weekend long allowed these dirty feelings of mine to air out. Let’s just say that today, I have very clean laundry.
