To flame or not to flame

That's a flaming good question kaybee!!!

I know I express my opinions more candidly. Also I rarely ever preview my posts, so they are riddled with typos, misspelling, etc.

I can think of one TBDer who if he spoke to me personally like that, there would be a fight.

I don't censor except to the degree where I say something that doesn't really reflect what I feel, think or believe. Anger can often get a person to say the wrong thing - something sarcastic or vicious when that doesn't make your point. That is why we can edit before hitting the send button.

But if I send it, I stand behind it. If the person doesn't like it ... oh, well. If you post something that I find to be vile, ignorant or obnoxious and I choose to respond honestly, heck, I am not here to pin merit badges on fools, cowards and villains. My truth is my own perception. Others have a right to disagree.

I am far from anonymous. I am listed in the phone book and anyone who wants to do so, can find me. If I have to meet someone else's standards of propriety, I am in the wrong place. I have lived long enough to know where appropriate boundaries are and since i don't hit on anybody, invite them into my home or try to get invited into theirs, I believe that if I can't honestly say what I believe, why get up in the morning?

Also, there is a difference between flaming someone and objecting to or contradicting their opinion. I agree that personal attacks are not appropriate unless you are attacked and want to put an end to it. Even then, there are ways to express outrage without name calling. I remember once telling someone who was acting like a spoiled brat that it was not my fault that his parents tried to drown him in the milk of human kindness. Even when I want to rap someone's knuckles, I try to do it with a sense of the absurd.

Remember, whatever you do, no good deed goes unpunished by someone!

Great question!!

I choose my words more carefully here, but I am more candid about my opinions too. I don't feel anonymous here - sure I use initials, but I always think about "my friends" here and I have no more desire to offend them than my physical/actual neighbors and friends. I don't talk about religion (for example) in my non-virtual life.

I am of the opinion that flaming is inappropriate, unethical, and unfair.

I have been a writer for the last 40 years, involved in message boards and newsnet since the early 1990s. It is considered bad behaviour, grounds for account deletion, and quite possibly grounds for lawsuits. In fact, because it is in writing in a public forum on the Internet, it is admissiable in such lawsuits. I've seen it happen.

But then,this is just me, and not everyone feels it is tacky and rude. I will have to say that when someone takes personal potshots at others, you can bet I'll call such behaviour for what it is, publicly. Then I'll find other people to "hang with", whether in real life or on the Internet.

Just to be clear, kaybee, there were quite a few comments in the "Shocking" discussion that violated our community guidelines. By the time we were aware of them -- since the discussion began with Oreos, we weren't monitoring closely :) -- other community members had weighed in, so we decided not to delete them. I just wanted to make the record clear that that level of personal attack is not acceptable here.

i tend to choose all my words very carefully.

i have written posts in anger at times, and cancelled them.

i try, as in life, to limit myself to 'I' statements when expressing my opinions and feelings. i try to apply the same standards of communication that i do in verbal speech. i tend to not like confrontation, but when i feel strongly enough that something must be said, i try to say it as effectively as possible.

when people feel insulted or attacked, emotions become involved, and usually reason goes right out the window. nothing much productive happens after that, unless apologies are tendered and accepted in truth and honesty.

i find sarcasm and humor to work best to deflect and/or confront (yes! both!) uncomfortable interactions.

playing dumb has its uses too.

if i need to vent, i usually do it in a PM with a trusted friend.