What Should I Say?

There is nothing amiss in sending a note expressing empathy. Who could possibly be offended by something like: "My mother just told me about your health challenges. I am so very sorry to hear about it and wish you well in your fight for good health."

I agree with Roxley. A note or card expressing care and hope is better than an uninvited phone call which she has to answer on your schedule!

Allow her to decide how she will respond to the cards and notes. If she chooses to call, then it is when she is feeling up to it - physically and emotionally.

My prayers for her go with this posting.

It happened again--my reply is gone!! I thought tbd was down to fix this type of thing!!!

Having been through this myself, I can tell you that a note is a wonderful thing to get. It was good to know that I was important enough for someone to sit down and write a card and send it. That means so very much in this age of instant messaging, etc. Although and email is good, too! And, keep sending notes, even if you don't get a reply. Sometimes during treatment, a person is just too tired to reply, but still appreciates hearing from friends.

Rox

This happened to me yesterday it seems to be the first reply

There is no proper way to respond to this sort of thing. The way it is taken depends entirely on the mood of the person when they receive it. Mine is not breast cancer, but I can share the way I felt when I was diagnosed as terminally ill.

Some of the things that I didn't like hearing were:

I know how you feel.

Any of us could get hit by a bus any day...we're all mortal

How long have you got?

Have you tried blah, blah, blah...it worked wonders for my Aunt's sister's Father in law.

I've got a book for you to read.

etc.

These were all offered with the best of intentions and on good days, that is easy to appreciate, but things that were always nice to hear were:

I love you very much (don't lie, if you don't)

I'm here if you need anything.

You have a tough struggle ahead, but I have faith in you.

You are in my thoughts (prayers)

I'm sure this list varies from person to person. This is just me.

Cards are wonderful!! And can express your concern without crossing too many boundaries.

I forgot to tell you vwomack, that I saved every card and note I received when I was going through my cancer diagnosis and treatments--they were so uplifting--I still look at them from time to time