Looking Old. Or not.

I recently attended an all-day workshop for sex therapists. The presenter was a lovely women on the shady side of 50. I was admiring her clothing - black slacks, loose tunic, brightly colored Birkenstocks, and big, interesting jewelry - when I realized it mirrored my own dress. In the room of about 20 women (and a few men) there was a clear divide. About 10 other women in their 50's and 60's all wore some variety of the same costume. Really, only the tasteful handmade jewelry differed - major necklace vs. dangling hoops vs. bangle bracelets. The other 10 or so women, half our age and half our size, mostly, wore tight jeans and pointy-toed high heels. The uniforms of our ages and profession struck me funny. I wonder at what age these young ones decide that comfort outweighs style and slip into expensive sandals rather than designer cripplers. I also wondered what it all had to do with sex.

Thank you Ann! I would love to be a woman like Ms. Krupp and run around in my cute strappy heels, but I can't. They HURT! And honestly, when I'm in my heels, I feel like my feet don't match my body.

So I shall stick to my Earth shoes -- I love them. I know shoes say something about us... and I don't care if mine say, "this lady don't like her toes to curl into eagle claws to look good."

I think that sometimes people look older when they try too hard to not look old!!

"Does this make me look old" is sort of the same as asking "does this skirt make me look fat?"

I am at a real quandry about the "look" that I want to present for myself. I wear the same black pants and assorted silk t-shirts to work every single (f**n) day to my office. I wear sweats and t-shirts and really nice expensive shoes that fit me well for working out and getting through all the walking that I do when I'm off work. Do I need a make-over? I saw your author lady on Oprah. Yes, we all need a makeover. I no longer work in the city. But I feel drawn to look "better" and try to portray the citified look. Let's face it: this is nuttiness. I think this started for me with Teen magazine when I was 11 years old in the 1960's. Then Vogue. Or Cosmopolitan. Glamour magazines. I do not want to look like Oprah or the women in her audience. I want to look wonderful, but I'm truly lost in the fashion vs karensk world. I like me. I like comfort. I tried the pointy painful shoes. I am tall. I have no waist. I am like a stick with funny toes. I really think Ms. Krupp has failed me.

I would love a make-over, but I really like being me. Change my clothes so everyone loves me more? What is it all about?

I think I continue to answer my own questions.

Where does a woman divide the line between being comfortable, her own unique style and keeping up with fashion and the times? It is so easy to get stuck in a style over time and it can really date a person.

On the other hand, is that so bad? Trying to dress like the latest youth fashion craze can really look unflattering. Let's face it I AM over 40.

I would like to think I still look hot and am still attractive; my boyfriend seems to have no complaints, but I am not in my twenties or thirties anymore:(

Personally, I am very reluctant to wear heels on a daily basis.

No thank you. Just as it has been all my life, I leave my hair long and one length. I put it back for work and exercise, and let it down in the bedroom. I wear the same black pants and button down shirts for work too. I am definitely stuck being me, sorry Oprah.

And Karensk, my toes are funny too. What's really cool is that so are my boyfriend's.

Life is good. Maybe a little makeover here and there is in order and not an extreme makeover?

Well, I'm getting ready to go on Medicare next month, so that makes me probably a decade or two older than the average TBD'er. No face lifts, no stilettos. But I do dress attractively for a woman older than 45 and younger than death. No tunics, no birkenstocks. I do wear colors and accessories that are flattering to my skin color. I also have nothing against cleavage. On occasion, I wear snug jeans in an appropriate size (I'm not thin) that are NOT belted at the navel with muffins showing. I'm a brunette with an olive brunette coloring. I have an expensive hair dresser (I'm worth it) who will tell me when to stop keeping some of my hair the color it always was. For now it looks pretty good (no dead all one color dye look).

I don't wear heavy makeup or too much eye shadow. No Cleopatra style eye liner. Makeup looks best if you don't look made up no matter what your age. The trick is doing it carefully so it looks subtle.

I don't care about my age and people are always surprised when I tell them how old I am. One thing, I never smoked cigarettes, so have none of those smoker lines on my face or mouth.

Age is a number. Your mental and physical age is another story. If you have a curiosity about many things and you never stop learning you age much more slowly. If you are blessed with good health and have the stamina to charge through the day or trek to some far off place you will also be less than your chronological age.

You will also be a more interesting person.

Which is more important than how old you are.

Think about it; some of the most influential women of the 20th (and now 21st) century that most of us admire probably never thought about this subject at all. Golda Meir comes to mind.

Mother Teresa. Bella Abzug.

Fill in here with your own nomination.

Most of us don't need a book. Or a face lift. We earned those little laugh lines smiling at our children in class plays, sitting out in the cold and wind at soccer games, being Band Mom on the bus with 40 twelve-year-olds, concentrating while helping to write those college applications, looking through the nursery glass at the new granddaughter.

Ladies, life after 50 or 60 is good and sure beats the alternative.

I have a size 4 mother who at 87 is still a clothes horse and runs around in her Gloria Vanderbilt jeans. She's pretty wrinkled from all those years of tanning, But still attractive at her age.

Personally, I never leave the house without my stilletto heels and tight skirt (Luckily, i have the legs for it)