Cutting your losses when dating

Dallas
Dallas
Founding Member

Posted: Jun 8, 08 6:39am

After two months of weekend dates, this woman and I agreed that we were "in a relationship" about two weeks ago. Then things changed.

She began raising her voice at me over things like the parking spots I chose and where we sat in a restaurant. I moved the car twice and got another table once.

Two nights ago, she interrupted me four times with minor corrections - "No, you were standing at the left entrance..." - during conversations at a party with friends.

Last night she told me I needed to re-think my friendship with a guy I have known since 1983. She said he was "a snob". I was an usher at his 1985 wedding. He and his wife have been great friends to me and active in many community projects for years. That did it.

No yelling, no nothing: I just told her we were not dating anymore, and I took her home.

This morning my friend who had originally introduced us called to tell me how distraught my ex-girlfriend was over all this. I told her I was sorry that things turned out this way, but my decision was final. Then she said, "You ought not be so quick to judge people." I said I didn't think it was quick at all. She got angry and hung up in my face.

We all know when to stop something that's criminal or clearly socially over the line (drug/alcohol abuse, constant public scenes, etc), but what about everyday social situations like dating?

How quick is "too quick to judge"?

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51 Comments // 29 Members
PatriciaWise
PatriciaWise
Founding Member

Posted: Jun 8, 08 6:54am

There is no timeline on that when dating if you feel uncomfortable or as I say go with your gut feeling then just let that person go, you have to be happy with whom you choose and if your not then it will never work.

ljqrn
ljqrn
Founding Member

Posted: Jun 8, 08 6:59am

Dallas,

Sounds like she got the green light to be your girlfriend, wife, mother and social director all at the same time.

I'd say your "kindness radar" is fully functional. Her "hang up" looks like a lady who didn't get her way. I imagine she IS kicking herself and would love another go at it.

Your call D, go with your first instinct its usually right.

Fromz
Fromz
Founding Member

Posted: Jun 8, 08 7:02am

You dun gud.

From your description, she was essentially lying to you about who she was until she thought she had you. Then it turns out who she is isn't desirable.

No rush there either.

Dallas
Dallas
Founding Member

Posted: Jun 8, 08 7:02am

There is no timeline...you have to be happy with whom you choose...

That's how I felt. To me, it wasn't the time involved, it was how I felt.

Two days, two months, what's the difference? When you think you need to break up, you're probably right.

JoeHorizon
JoeHorizon
Founding Member

Posted: Jun 8, 08 7:04am

Two nights ago, she interrupted me four times with minor corrections - "No, you were standing at the left entrance..." - No yelling, no nothing: I just told her we were not dating anymore, and I took her home.

You did quite well my friend. I would have pulled the plug a bit earlier.

RoseBear
RoseBear
Founding Member

Posted: Jun 8, 08 7:05am

you did good, dallas. since when did she get to run your life for you?

i had a friend who wanted to set me up with his friend--great guy! great job! single dad! talented artist! except when i met him, he was 4 inches shorter than me. ummm.

i'm a girl who does not to be the 'big' one in the couple.

my friend berated me for being so superficial. but you gotta go with what works for you. if it's an issue in the beginning, and isnt faced up to honestly, it may well become a bigger issue later on.

PhilSmith
PhilSmith

Posted: Jun 8, 08 7:14am

Based on what you have said, it sounds to me like you have not been too quick to judge. There appears to be some definite incompatibility issues that surfaced rather early in the relationship and I cannot imagine those issues improving with time. Sure, we all have our quirks, but there can be a point at which quirks become so annoying that they wind up making both people miserable. Whether they are matters of criminality, social etiquette, or just annoying quirks, once they are recognized they should be dealt with.