Eldercare Guilt--Anyone Else Have It?

I had to deal with that same issue with my late mother, also It depends on how much you can handle it and the patients that come with it,

They do have help for the elderly, With home health care and programs that will give you a break from that care that he needs, they also have senior day program also, it depends on the city that he stays in, See and check out what his needs are, then that will give you some help aswell. He just have to meet the requirements

I have lost both my Mother and Father and went through much of the same as you. There is no 'one-fix' answer, but I do know now I would gladly do it all over again no matter how tired or stressed out I got. I did finally learn, if there is help anywhere, then ask for it. I didn't for a long time until it almost came unbearable. I don't know if you have other family members that could help or what health care resources are available, but try searching for help. Just do whatever it takes to get through this difficult time. You will have more regrets if you don't.

Judy

Absolutely. I am right there, right now.

Everything in my life is contigent on them...which is as it should be...but that doesn't make it any easier.

Where did my life go?

It is hard. That is all I have to say about that....

Oh, I so totally empathize with you, Alison!

I cared for my bedridden mother in my home for 17 years. The last 9 years were, essentially, 24/7 and to the exclusion of everything else. It took a huge toll on me--emotionally, financially, physically. But the heaviest toll was in the upheaval of our once extremely close relationship.

Having said that, I agree with Judy: "Just do whatever it takes to get through this difficult time. You will have more regrets if you don't." I know that, no matter what the toll, I simply couldn't have looked at myself in the mirror each day with a clear conscience if I hadn't cared for my mother.

I also agree with ahassan, avail yourself of whatever resources you can to give yourself a break. I also found that simple things like exercise, good nutrition, and making sure you get outside to feel the breeze and the sun on your face, can give you some relief from stress and the extra "oomph" you need to get though the day.

Best of luck with this and always remember, you're doing a wonderful thing.

I was lucky; Both my parents lived healthy lives to the end. One died suddenly at 77 while preparing to take a meal to a shut-in friend and the other, after a 6 week illness at 89. Even during that 6 weeks, she lived alone except for the last 7 days, five of which were spent in a terminal coma in a hospice. All I remember of both are the good times. My dad had a sudden heart attack that was fatal and instantaneous. My mom developed brain cancer and by the mercy of God, six weeks later she was gone. On the last evening of her conscious life, my mom and I were joking about how all her friends spent their precious time giving organ recitals and making their kids feel guilty because they don't provide total care for them. She knew her time had come and when we parted, I have the memories of a feisty and fabulous woman who changed the small part of the world around her that she affected. I'll never forget the advice my parents gave me: Don't get old. Old is for heroes and nobody is that brave! I have taken precautions that, if I become disabled, my child will never have to take care of me. I would gladly accept professional care and have put aside the assets that will make this possible. It would mean not leaving an estate but what good is money if my kid has to feel that I stole his life before I died? And, if my wife precedes me, there is no young and attractive nurse who will be safe from me. If I can't move my body, I will think licentious thoughts! I taught my son that his obligation is to the future - his child - not to he past - his mother and me. We'll manage somehow. Anyway, it is still early in the game. I just celebrated #69 on Sunday. I have miles to go before I die ... and my wife is 64 - a mere child in my book of books. Lollipops and unicorns

You may not be, and may never be, old Milt :-), but you are a hero in my book.

Setting aside money and making other arrangements for the potential of future disability is the best gift you can give your children. I agree, an estate is meaningless if the recipients can't enjoy it.

I'm so happy that your parents lived until that last moment, and that there was no prolonged illness and attendant suffering. They, and you, were very fortunate.

As for the future, I'm with you on the licentious thoughts. I just hope I can find an attractive male RN when the time comes.